A resource to inspire, inform and empower parents.

I Judge You

By Abby Theuring, MSW

The “mommy wars” are imaginary. They do not exist.

People judge. It’s normal and it’s natural. It’s not a human flaw. It’s not that people haven’t heard the whole story. It’s just what happens with humans. We judge each other. We are social creatures and this is in our nature. We do not have to stop. We do not have a major character flaw.

This “mommy war” crap was invented. Corporations that benefit from failed breastfeeding relationships have played to our insecurities. They are afraid of us. They have seen the effects of us sharing information and creating these communities. Their sales are down and they are desperate. Creating the “mommy wars” keeps us arguing with each other and takes the focus off of them and their predatory marketing schemes.

The “mommy wars” is a silencer. It keeps us from being able to have important conversations. It makes it so that whoever expresses an opinion, whoever discusses breastfeeding (or maternity leave or daycare or whatever) or whoever shares their experiences is seen as a bully. It’s not in corporation’s best interest for us to become informed, make our own choices and create alliances with each other.

Badass Breastfeeders of Chicagoland

Marketing is extremely sneaky. We think we are not affected by it, but we are. We all are. We must reject this concept of “mommy wars.” We are smart enough and strong enough to have difficult discussions without crying “mommy war!” We are brave enough to speak out against practices that negatively affect our children. We are secure enough to know that these discussions are not a reflection of our personal choices, but of harmful and aggressive marketing by corporations.

I judge people all the time. I judge the mom in the park, the mom on the airplane, maybe even you. I judge my family, my friends and random strangers. I don’t say anything and I tell myself to mind my own business but these thoughts do come to my mind. I even judge myself. I can’t help it. I’m human. To deny that this happens to you is to deny your very humanity. These judgments are shaped by all sorts of things like our personal opinions, the culture we live in, societal norms, our own ignorance, etc. Judgement happens.

Have you gone to a park lately? There is no war. Moms are just hanging out. But we log onto the internet or turn on the TV and all of the sudden it’s war. I think not. It’s all made up and it’s designed to keep us distracted while these major corporations cash in. They are using us like puppets. They think we are fools. They are playing with our emotions.

Let’s drop the whole judgement argument. It has no place amongst humans. When we can better understand our humanity we can burst the “mommy war” bubble.

Do not reject information. Do not silence yourself because you fear being the bully. And do not cry “mommy war!” when someone disagrees with you, shares different experiences from you or is simply rude to you online. Do not give so much weight to an argument online by calling it a “war.” There are no “mommy wars.” There is only a war against those who do not have the best interest of our children at heart.