A resource to inspire, inform and empower parents.

How Did I End Up Here?

By Anonymous

How did I end up here? Sitting a car next to a person who months before told me he loved me and I was his soul mate as we made mad passionate love. That mad passionate love that resulted in a child to be conceived and now I’m hearing the words “Adoption is best for this child” from the man who claimed to love me.

Except as an adoptee myself.. Adoption was never an option. It wasn’t even to be thought about and he knew this. The man that claimed his love for me knew this from the get go and yet here he is trying to explain why it was best.

For the fly listening to this conversation on the car door, one may have thought just a much stressed couple trying to figure out their options. Except there was more to that.  I a mom going through divorce to had rekindled a romance with an old friend. He at the time was what I thought to be a single dad who was pretty successful.

“At the time” are the key words.. Because 2 months after telling him I was expecting he decided to tell me the kids mom was never dead.. She was alive and well and had been that way through their 15 years of marriage.

My world came crashing down. I was the other woman, I was the whore, slut, the mistress.. that I have heard the friends who husbands had cheated on them.

I was that bitch.

How did I not know the signs..

Yet fast forward back to the conversation in the car… and he had already decided for both of us that adoption would be the ok thing to do. He had made this decision and ignored every protest I had against it.

With built up frustration and pent up anger. I yelled. I screamed. I cried.

I yelled “How could you not listen to me? How do you think adoption is the magical option and every one would be ok? How can you still support such an idea knowing the day my child is born a price would have been put on their head from birth and they would not be worth as much as if they were a non-mixed child but a white child?” “How can you even think about denying me the birth right to being my child’s mother?”

Yet my yelling went un heard… his privilege had did the blocking.

I cried the tears of knowing if I made such choice I would only continue the cycle that my mother had started for me. I cried the tears of not knowing what could have been, not knowing exactly who I was. I cried the tears that I did not cry when told growing up my mother did not want me, that’s why she gave me up. That I was lucky to have found a family. That I was nothing without the family who adopted me”

He told me … “ You are strong you will be fine after a few months”, “ You are going through a divorce how do you think you will take care of another child?” “This child would have two parents in a loving home”

Yet the blow… “My friend was adopted when eight and he turned out fine”

Though let’s forget your friend had a say, lets also forget your friend was adopted by his stepfather.. he still had his birth mother.

I sat in that car feeling defeated.

Not only was I that bitch, the mistress, the slut, the whore

I would also now be a single mom, a terrifying thought.

I would now have to choose do I ask this man for financial support.. knowing that once I do it opens the door for a custody battle for a child that he from the beginning never wanted.

OR not having that outlet to openly talk to friends about my situation, in fear of rejection judgment, and negative thoughts.

I slap a smile on my face and no one would guess what was going on.