A resource to inspire, inform and empower parents.

Every Again Until the Day We Die

I yelled at Jack last night. Truth is I yell at Jack a lot. I can honestly say that barely a day goes by when I don’t snap at my little boy. I can tell when the days are going to be bad. I can feel it in my bones. I’m holding onto anger and resentment and negativity. The worst part about it is that I am aware I am doing it. Awareness is half the battle. Being aware of thoughts and feelings allows us to choose differently. There are a lot of days when I am aware of my negative thoughts and feelings, I am aware that I can make a choice and I still do not make the choice to let go. I hold on tight to that negativity. Blaming everyone else in the world, blaming the situations that arise, blaming the little boy that I brought into this world. Blaming everyone but myself.

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, with son

Last night Jack was having a hard time going to sleep. Not an uncommon occurrence around here. He was nursing for hours. I was tired and hormonal and the nursing started to get to me. I was getting annoyed. I felt my anger growing. I said “go to sleep! I can’t take it anymore! I’m tired!” My boy doesn’t understand. All he knows is that he doesn’t feel like sleeping. All he knows is his own experience. Finally I was so frustrated that I let out a loud “uuuuuggggghhhhhh!!!!!!” It scared him. He cried. In that moment I wanted to die. I knew I was escalating to nowhere good. I knew I had a choice to let it go. I knew I was going to end up making everything worse. It’s like back before Jack when I would get mad and toss things around my room. I knew I was mad and was going to break something. But I just kept going, acting like a brat, knowing all the while that the other shoe was going to drop and then everything would be so much worse. And then I would feel so much guilt, regret and self-hatred that I knew all along what was going to happen and still didn’t stop myself.

Except now I have Jack. And now I know a level of guilt, regret and self-hatred that I never knew existed. A broken piece of jewelry? A broken glass? Who gives a shit about that stuff? Now I break my son’s trust. I scare him. And he’s so confused. So scared. He holds on tighter to me. Because I am the one who is supposed to protect him. The one he goes to when he is scared. And yet I am the one confusing and scaring him.

Sometimes I think I need to drop the whole “gentle parenting” aspect of this blog because I am a phony. A fraud. I can’t hack it. But I choose every day to keep going. I’ve learned that gentle parenting has nothing at all to do with Jack. Jack will do as he does because that is all he knows. Gentle parenting is about me. Jack is my motivation to work harder on myself, but it’s me and me alone that has the work to do. I need to grow the fuck up. I need to let go when I know it’s time to let go of that anger. I need to suck it up and realize it’s not me tossing shoes around my bedroom anymore. Now there’s a person I might break. A person who depends on me for everything. A person who no matter how I feel in those moments feels worse. A person who trusts me, loves me and looks to me for protection. Jack has little control over his behavior just short of 3 years old. I have total and complete control over mine at 37. My reaction is mine alone. My anger is my own. It’s not a result of Jack’s behavior. It’s a result of my own thinking and choices. It’s a result of my life experiences that I hold the power to change going forward.

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, breastfeeding son

It’s really easy to read about gentle parenting. It’s easy to recite the philosophy. It’s a lot of fun to talk about the awesome things about gentle parenting when things are going well. When things get tough and you’re backed into an emotional corner, though, it’s a whole different game. Then it doesn’t matter how much someone has read or how long they have been a parent or how many kids they have. Then it’s just you, your emotions and your past experiences that shape your habitual reactions. The only person to look to is you. And even in these terribly lonely times I remember I am not alone. That there are Moms are out there going through this wondering if they are the only ones. I’ve met too many readers who have burst into tears upon meeting me, not because they met me, but because they relate to the words that I write and have felt alone for so long. We are not alone. We lose our shit, we hold onto our babies a little tighter, we say we are sorry and we try again. And again. And every again until the day we die.

Abby Theuring, MSW

Comments

  1. Thank You. I really needed this.

    • Mark Schuetz says

      Thank you for your honesty. I used to have these symptoms. These are classic mood disorders, both the mom and the son, likely rooted in amino acid deficiencies. The not being able to go to sleep on the part of the son for starters: serotonin in abundance in the body converts to melatonin at dusk at predisposes us to natural sleep. Many people are deficient in serotonin because of the compromised food supply. The predisposition on the part of the Mom for seconds: also serotonin deficiency…the “feel good, I can cope with anything amino acid”. We can improve our diets, and we can supplement for mood disorders… Learn about diagnosis and supplementation in “The Mood Cure” and/or “Seven Weeks to Sobriety”.

      • No offense Mark…but there is actually more to it than nutrition.

        • Ibe been through more abuse than I care to think about, and am dealing with anger and frustration and resentment every day too. What I do is stop, take a deep breath, and look at my boys face and re-love. I smile at him and hug him and say “I love you”soft on his ear. The softness of his skin and his vulnerable little tiny body breaks all of my bad feels. I am awash with love again.

  2. Oh my… I am in absolute tears!! I can relate 110%!! I’m so glad you have put this out there because there are so many times I feel alone myself! I do the same things.. I let it boil in me then explode an scream. I know it’s wrong because I feel so much guilt but turn around and do the same thing again.. an again.. an again! In the end I feel like I’m damaging my relationship with my little boy (21 months).. and one day he won’t confide in me or love me anymore.

    • Mark Schuetz says

      A quote from “The Mood Cure” – “you can participate in counseling for years, but if the biochemical circuits do not fire correctly, the condition will continue.” Persistent feelings that are difficult to trump with good intentions are typical of people with amino acid deficiencies. Supplementation, improvement in diet, removal of detrimental substances from the diet (sugar, white flour, coffee, commercial meat, processed foods of all types) and replacement of foods with whole foods like our great grandparents on farms used to eat result in a wholesale renovation of how we feel and thus, how we act to our loved ones. Also consult “Seven Weeks to Sobriety”. Good Luck

  3. You are incredibly brave to admit this to the world. I have a hard time admitting this to myself sometimes, let alone saying it out loud to my husband. Thank you.

  4. Tq, for this.

    • I’m with ya sister. This s#☆t is so freaking hard. I have found that if I say SHHHHHH as loud as I can it doesn’t scare him. I do it with so much intensity my body folds over lol. He thinks it’s funny apparently and it feels AWESOME to me. Win win!

  5. Sarahgail Frazier says

    This hits close to home for me! It is so easy to read article after article of mamas telling you how to be a gentler parent. The truth is, I mess up some days; actually most days! Some days I feel touched out. My little Kayte is just shy of a year. I have no end in sight to our bf journey. However, some days I just want to take a break. Many family members and friends have hose to bf, but they have all stopped by now. Some days I feel that’s all we do is nurse. I love that you were so real. It helps other mamas like me feel normal for losing my cool. Being a mama is the hardest thing. But this article was absolutely beautiful and dead on for me.
    Thank you

    • Brenda Holland-Robinson says

      Yessss… I told the first-time moms I mentored that young children only know how to be children. We are the moms who will teach our children how to be adults. You are awesome, Abbie, for sharing and for being real. Good on you.

  6. This is a brave post. I can relate so well. And tell you that it keeps getting harder, but you also start to see the fruits of your labor very clearly as they get older.

  7. Abby Brown-Petrakian says

    That is the struggle. That is the fight, not with our children, but with ourselves.

  8. Thank you for this. I feel like such a monster. I would never allow a stranger to speak to my children the way I often do. Every night I replay the horrible events of the day and think; tomorrow I’ll do better.

  9. Sounds like post partum / depression. Doesn’t sound like a genuine struggle with the philosophy sounds like there’s way more that you should give yourself credit for and seek some other help.

    • So you have never gotten overwhelmed and yelled at your children? IMO it’s not depression it’s just being overwhelmed and releasing the stress in the wrong way. We all do it. I yell at my husband, family members, co workers and friends.

      • Awesomeness says

        If you don’t relate to this article, even in the slightest, maybe you’re the one in denial.
        I know I’m an awesome parent, the best for my child, but there are days where I scare my daughter with how angry I am. Hell, I scare myself. Those days are few and far between, but those are the days where I feel like I have no off switch and I have to physically distance myself because I don’t want to turn into *that* parent. I’ve read a lot of articles about patience, about calming techniques, about dealing with your anger as a parent, but this is the first one that actually acknowledges it. Every other articles just reads like “you’re a bad parent for being angry,” or “getting mad? don’t.” It’s frustrating, to say the least.
        At least now I really feel like this isn’t just my problem, it’s not something that’s wrong with just me, and now I really feel like I could actually get better at managing my anger. I could become.. even more awesome than I already am, lol.
        And maybe there’s more to Attachment Parentig than I thought.
        Abby, thank you.

        • I had PND. But this is not that! And I appreciate the honesty of this piece. Many women (and men) can relate to this. It isn’t nutritional either (as “Mark”) keeps suggesting. It’s so much more complicated and seriously…how I don’t understand writing it off to anyone ONE thing. To the author…thanks for keeping it real!! It def helps to know I am not alone. I yelled at my little girl the other night for not going to sleep and scared her. 🙁 Positive parenting pushes me to expand myself and regulate my emotions. But my conditioning (neural pathways) run deep…and when I am exhausted it is much harder to maintain control. I am work in progress. But consider the alternative…living in denial and unleashing on our children without an awareness that we have the power to do otherwise!! Those were my parents. And that is why I struggle now. But this cycle is worth breaking…and break it I shall!!!

  10. I’m a new mom of 3, I have a 4.5 old boy a 28 month old boy and a almost 4 month old baby girl !! It’s so easy for moms to say “take a deep breath and count to 10 ” then continue parenting ! Kids push limits and that’s ok kids have emotions just like us and that’s ok !! I find a lot of parents “parent” for other parents because there is now this huge competition on who can be the calmest , most informed , nursing the longest ect that we forget it’s about creating a healthy childhood for the little people who see us as the love of their lives !!! My kids yell … I try to not yell but sometimes just sometimes they need to hear we are human !! In 5 years they won’t hold it against us that we yelled ! Just my new mom opinion :)) happy parenting

  11. Thank you for posting this. We make more mistakes. We do things well. We try our hardest and we fail miserably. When we realize that others have similar highs and low, somehow it helps to put things in perspective.

  12. Thank you for posting this. I think we all struggle with patience. I pray everyday for God to give me more patience and understanding, to help me be a better mother. Im glad im not the only one. Thank you again. (:
    Xoxoxo

    • Im in tears. Thank you for the courage to post this. I often find myself yelling at my 10 mo. old and thinking im all alone when it comes to being frustrated with my baby. It all started when we got pregnant for the second time, while my son was only 6 mo. My patience seems to have plummeted since then and I continually ask God for patience for my child and the one in my womb. My goal is to be the best mother for them because God chose me to be their mother. I don’t want to ever fail them.

  13. This, a thousand times this, is what I needed to read today. Thank you.

  14. Perfectly written. ♡

  15. Thank you so much for your post. You really touched me to my core, especially after the day I had yesterday. It is so good to know that I am not alone and that others have similar struggles daily. I try my best, but sometimes I break. Thanks again. 🙂

  16. Thank you so much for being brave and saying what we all experience. I yell at my 8 year old and want to yell at my 9 month old every single day. I just go into my closet and sit on the floor and get myself together. Being a parent is soooo hard, some days I think I am not up to the task and want to run away. I feel so much better after reading your post. 🙂

    • I agree accept mine are 20 months and 5 months. My 5 month old lil girl nurses and cries constantly for attention and to be held. My 20 month old is kinda jealous and in a currious stage and he doesn’t listen to anything you say or tell him. It’s exhausting. I am excited to start a job to allow myself a break. I havent had a break since my daughter was born. And abby you qill miss the you and jack tine I promise. There will be days that you will want to yank out your hair but you love you lil ducklings so much that it makes you wanna cry happy tears of love. I miss mommy and braylen days. Life was easier. I didnt have to mind 2 children only one. I ♥ that you posted what I feel daily

  17. Thank you. I really needed to read this. I’ll be saving this for the other days I need it, too. It’s so easy to beat yourself up after one hard day that you forget all the other good, amazing, gentle days. Thank you.

  18. This was by far the best blog article I’ve read… I battle daily with resentment and anger. All of which have nothing to do with my five year old daughter. Though in the moments when she’s being herself, a child… not listening or choosing to things her way, she experiences my anger. She actually gets all of my wrath and for that, yes I feel horrible. I also have a five month old daughter that is still nursing and demands my consent attention. My older daughter is so patient with me, shows unconditional love and yet I still find myself yelling on a daily basis. Gentle parenting, ha. It sounds good and when it comes to babies it does seem somewhat easy, but as they grow and learn to talk back or simply ignore you those gentle parenting skills seem to go flying. Into a raging fit that is.

    I watch other parents and often wonder if I’m the only mom that yells at her child for not listening or when my child repeats herself saying mommy over and over in the same tone (it’s really annoying) and typically only does it when I’m engaged in an adult conversation. I see other moms sweet, caring, soft toned and wonder if they are always like that, am I the only b of a mom?

    Thank you for this article, I feel more normal and am going to go hug my babies now! 🙂

    • Mrs. Morgan says

      I feel this exact same way. I needed this this morning! It’s so hard being a Mommy & I think it’s challenges never stop. I loose my patients with my oldest son who is 3.5 & it’s just not acceptable anymore. I’m mean & I don’t want to be BUT when I’m nursing the 7 mo old little brother & he acts out or I’m engaged in the only conversation for today other than with my 3 yr old & he is constantly saying “Mommy, mommy, mommy, I NEED you”, he really NEEDS me. Just me. I feel like I fail daily but I know this will not last forever. Being a Mommy is the hardest job in the world & no amount of training will ever give us the tools we need but through support & love, maybe, just maybe, we can pull through. I read the other day that when we get mad at our kids the best thing to go is hug them & hug them hard, they won’t be this little forever.

    • Mrs. Morgan says

      I feel this exact same way. I needed this this morning! It’s so hard being a Mommy & I think it’s challenges never stop. I loose my patients with my oldest son who is 3.5 & it’s just not acceptable anymore. I’m mean & I don’t want to be BUT when I’m nursing the 7 mo old little brother & he acts out or I’m engaged in the only conversation for today other than with my 3 yr old & he is constantly saying “Mommy, mommy, mommy, I NEED you”, he really NEEDS me. Just me. I feel like I fail daily but I know this will not last forever. Being a Mommy is the hardest job in the world & no amount of training will ever give us the tools we need but through support & love, maybe, just maybe, we can pull through. I read the other day that when we get mad at our kids the best thing to go is hug them & hug them hard, they won’t be this little forever. I struggle daily as a stay at home Mom with no family near me. I’m doing it all on my own with my husband & we both loose our patients. We both grew up in a spanking household & to put fear in our kids so they will mind but really, the more attention I give my son, the better he acts but then that’s more of a mess my house will be in. I’m always cleaning up messes & I get angry, so angry & I’m over it. No more. Best blog I’ve ever read.

  19. I too struggle with sticking to my mantra. Being pregnant with a 1y.o. doesn’t make it easy and I worry everyday that I will loose my shit. We are not perfect but we learn as our children learn. You are doing great and it takes an amazing person to be able to share the things that you share. Thank you for extending yourself for so many of us out there that feel the same way sometimes.

  20. You described last night for us too! BAHHH! Thank you! It took almost 3 hours before H finally fell asleep. I felt like a ticking time bomb the entire time. Then when I gave her breaks to play and get her energies out, she cried and wouldn’t even let her daddy comfort her. I was SO FRUSTRATED. I finally brought her back to the bedroom for the last time and cried into her burping cloth. It’s a little joke that I have with myself, that H’s burping cloths are really MY crying cloths! After the tears and after H FINALLY fell asleep…I could breathe again. And I felt thankful that God helped me not to harm my baby despite every desire in my flesh to do so! You are only human fighting a good fight – keep at it! It’s gracing the rest of this world 🙂

  21. LOVE THIS!! I feel this everyday (and usually more than once). These feelings are so normal but I think social media has led us to believe differently. Everyone putting a show about how great their life and family are, like its a contest. Mothers are comparing their parenting and child relationships, and feeling like a failure when things aren’t picture perfect.

  22. Thank you, Abby. I have found myself in this same exact situation on multiple occasions and have been overwhelmed with guilt afterwords. Hearing it from you, put so eloquently, has brought tears to my eyes. I will be better, I have to be better. He deserves my best.

  23. Hun you are not alone! What makes it worse for me is I try to hide it because it’s so bad. I mean if you tell anyone or try to reach out “oh my gawd! Your an abusive mom!” “Your a bad mom!” “You shouldn’t do that!” Yeah um I friggin know thank you now tell me how to stop! Snap your fingers for me and make it go away! Please! I don’t want to yell at my child. I don’t want to feel the anger building. Fix this for me since you know it all! I am still working on stuff. I feel horrible when I throw one of her toys or her diapers. They are hers and I have no right to throw them! That guilt helps so much. It’s painful but it helps. I need the guilt to make me stop. I so badly want to talk to someone about this. Keeping silent is making it worse!

  24. Noelle Hicks says

    Needed this more than you know. I have been battling myself hard lately and it is good to know I am not alone.

  25. Thank you so very much for your bravery in this post, so I could read this right when I needed to.

  26. Rebecca Wilcock says

    You are NOT a fraud.
    Finally … at last … you are REAL.
    🙂

  27. Oh, mama.

    I could have posted this not even a month ago. I was so angry, so resentful, so lost. O yelled every day. I hated myself. I wondered if my children would be better off without me. This had been going on for 4 years – since my son was born.

    I still struggle. But now I know that I can handle it. Just in case it might help you, I’m going to share what I changed.

    I started really talking to my psychologist, over the phone so that I didn’t have to look her in the eye while I spilled my guts. I made my own self care a priority – even and especially while I was with my children. And I started Paxil.

    Two weeks after I began, I started to feel … I don’t know how to describe it. Sane. Awake. Ok.

    I have been struggling with depression and anxiety my whole life. I dont even know how to describe how much better I feel.

    I am sending you lots of love and strength.

  28. Thank you for your honesty. My best friend and I are always talking about this very subject. However, I started having my children 8 years ago and her oldest is just entering the toddler stage. I had no one around me during those years with kids as I was in my early 20’s when I had my first child and I indeed felt so alone. Now I know better! I realize that my experiences can help her through hers and that we can be stronger and better parents together by sharing those experiences and mistakes with each other. We are always talking about how we as mother’s should be talking more about the reality of parenting. You are so very right in every word you say. So thank you again for sharing with us!

  29. We are all only human, why do we expect so much from ourselves? We are not perfect, nor are we ever going to be. From a mum of four, who struggles with such emotions all the time, I am familiar with your guilt, and cant help but wonder why we have such high expectations of ourselves, believing that the mother next to us is doing so much better. Of course she is not. We are all just trying our best, why is that not enough? I’m certain that men don’t feel such guilt, as their bonds are not quite as strong. Our child’s pain is synonymous with our own.

  30. I was raised with spanking and yelling and I have found myself do this with my kids. I also found it doesn’t work and it makes my boys look at me different. So, I have come to these blogs and other gentle parenting sites to help me try to be more gentle and to learn how to be. Last night I set a reminder on my phone to go off three different time through out the day. Once in the morning, Once when I pick my kids up and Once around dinner time. To remind myself to keep calm and be gentle to them. Thank you for sharing your story’s and thoughts. It help us all. It helps me to know that my thoughts and anger are normal and that there are other ways to deal with it. Thank you.

  31. Thank you Abby!!!!! Thank you so much. This was needed for sure.

  32. mothering IS the most difficult job in the world! especially in our individualistic societies, mothering is not meant to be done alone, in the past most times mothers had help from family members and children lived in communities so women rarely mothered in isolation. We mothers are all in the same boat, we need solidarity between us and unite. when you look at another mother in the eyes, you look at yourself. get out there and meet more mothers that you can, go and live in a housing cooperative with other families, mothers and children so children can play and you can be yourself. Ask for help from has many friends and family as possible, and share childcare with other mums. I do that it’ great, we look after each other kids with a friend and we go out and do something else for 3/4 hours at least every week. go to each other house even if they are messy open your doors, share your pain, joys, difficulties, challenges. our individualistic, nuclear family, capitalist society is not the right place to mother, so invent other ways, share space, time, resources, ideas, tears, hugs, laughter. We are all fantastic mothers living in a society that does not really recognise motherhood – first and foremost because it is not a productive activity, it does not produce money, just human beings.. mothers/and fathers at home should be paid by the state to do this job. this job of motherhood is not a natural vocation BECAUSE we are women hence good at mothering. this is what culture and society has always wanted women to believe so when we find it difficult we think oh I am the wrong one, all the other mothers are doing a good job without realising that motherhood is a LEARNED experience and we grow into it. It’s not natural at all, otherwise we would not find it hard at times. all the best and we must unite. MOTHERS UNITE!!

  33. I feel like I have to start over every day…sometimes numerous times a day.

  34. Tracy sanborn says

    As so many other moms have posted Thank You! I was raised in a violent reactionary household. I struggle most days with the huge difference between what i want my boys childhood to be and what mine was. Better is not enough. Its easy to say that i will not yell, blame or hurt. I say it all the time, i have to. Its my mantra. I look at his sweet trusting face and wonder if i can manage to not damage this amazing spirited angel.

  35. Your self reflection is so powerful. Good for you. I feel humbled reading your thoughts because I, too, have been there. I didn’t put it into such expressive words so that the world could understand a mother’s thoughts. Thank you for doing that.

  36. My daughter shared your blog. She is now a mother. Hold tight mother’s in a blink of an eye these days will pass and your little ones will become grown men and women. Your goal is provide for them now a relationship which is nurturing, honest, trustworthy, loyal and loving. My mothering began 22 years ago and in that time 10 years of it was spent either pregnant or nursing one or two babes at a time for three beautiful daughters. I worked running my own business and even home schooled for a while. Twenty years ago, gentle or attachment parenting was virtually unheard of, wearing your baby was a new thing, sleeping with your baby was a no no and breastfeeding past 6 months was thought to be offensive and unnecessary. There were days that I needed a time out. Family was not near by so I struggled along day by day. Now I see the results of my efforts. I see my own daughter a mother, adopting the same philosophy and let me tell you there is not a prouder moment in a mother’s life than to see your own child grown up interacting with his or her own baby. I am now in the midst of the last teenager and still there are days that I need a time out and let me tell you there is not a prouder moment in a mother’s life than to hear those words from a 15 year old, “Mom can you come and tuck me in please?”

  37. Thank you.

  38. THANK YOU!

  39. Thank you so much for this post. Today I lost it and yelled at my little girl (one of three under three years old). I yelled at her but then I was able to collect myself and apologize to her and she hugged me and patted my back and said “it’s okay mama! me loves you” and she was fine. Every day is a new day and I remind myself I’ll do better tomorrow and I love my kids so much and I know that they know and feel that love, even if I lose it once in a while.

  40. Yes. Yes. Thank you for this post. As many others have commented, it’s so brave to put this out into the world where all can see. But so many of us feel this exact way and its so helpful to see we are not alone and we are not broken. We are just humans. Trying to do our best but no one is perfect.

  41. I could have written this. Thank you. I am struggling every day to change who I’ve been for the past 37 years because I don’t want my son to remember his mom was a furious short tempered bitter woman. I want him to have better memories than I had growing up, of seeing my parents fight and throw things and being small and terrified. Yet I find myself slipping into the same behaviors every day. Thank you for baring your soul to us. It helps to know I’m not battling this alone.

  42. Thank-you. I have been there many times and my son is under two. I find the anger just festers, it’s rage really. I think, I control it at work what the fuck is wrong with me that I do it at home. I too feel awful after I yell or stomp my feel and start with the self defeating talk. It is nice to know I am not the only one who struggles with this, not the only one who has to tell the self to smarten up and grow up.

  43. Sounds like you are struggling. Parenting should be a joy. You are trying so hard to be the “badass breastfeeder” you are missing out on so much. I feel sorry for you

    • Wow. Way to shame everyone. I feel sorry for YOU.

      Thanks Abby! Love this!

      • Oh look, an old person who has forgotten that parenting is hard.

        Parenting is an emotional roller coaster with no breaks. There can be joy one moment and frustration the next.

        I know a few older people who only remember the fun parts of parenting, which isn’t very helpful at all when we are experiencing the highs AND lows.

    • Did you have small children, or did they spring forth from your head fully formed? Yeah children are awesome little creatures but it’s HARD! So shut up!

  44. Beautiful post, it´s so good to know we are not the only ones, this is a day by day process and personal growth and I´m sure It worths it ! for an imperfect gentle parenting! 🙂

  45. Your honesty is brutiful. Keep it up.

  46. This is an almost daily struggle of mine as well. My 3 year old is majorly testing boundaries and asserting his sense of self. He likes to be naughty sometimes & intentionally wake his baby sister. In those moments of straight defiance it can be so hard not to lose it. Often times I can’t keep my composure. Each night I remind myself tomorrow is a new day. I also try to hold tightly to the good moments and let go of the bad, which is so important on the days where it feels like the good are few and far between. As a mama who also tries to be more gentle (co-sleeping, nursing) we really are giving every waking & sleeping moment to our children. The fact that I have no down time but bathroom breaks can be overwhelming at times. I try to find perspective by remembering that this season in our lives will not last for long and I will forever be able to cherish the memories of my babies snuggled in bed with me, listening to their breath, watching them sleep, seeing their beautiful smiles first thing in the morning.

  47. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. Don’t get me wrong, you should want to change and it sounds like change is needed but its hard! It’s nt really as simple as just stopping. We have to replace old behaviours with new behaviours, to be actively self aware 24/7 and its hard. My partner and I are going through a rough patch, we have very serious discussions about not arguing In front of our kids….we just keep doing it though. Even when we try so so hard. Alot of it roots from our issues growing up and that is such a big part of parenting, getting over all the stuff we went through as kids, the thins we hated, what pushed our buttons, the things that shaped who we are. And these are really sub conscious things. I think we all need counselling before parenting! It’s a tough change to become peaceful, I still have rough days from time to time but I’m so much happier as a parent since making these peaceful parenting approaches. We’re getting there.

  48. :,) – i get it!

  49. Thank you!!!!! This hit home, thanks for opening up!!!

  50. thank you Abby, for posting this and for everything else you do. i have been following you for years , from abroad, our kids are almost the same age. i fully understand your angry reaction and can tell you i have been there myself, wondering, as you say, how phony i am with the gentle parenting thing… But our anger comes from much more ancient, old, far away memories. our letting it out comes from our own childhood and it should not pour into theirs. because, as you say, we will try every again every day, for ever, growing with them and letting our kids teach us to be better people. and you know what? it works! i have stopped yelling, and the sleeping – unsurprisingly! – has suddenly turned up more easily. so hang in there, trust yourself, and thank you thank you for being public for us moms out here!!!

  51. Heidi Bird says

    Thank you for being transparent. It is so relieving to know that I am not alone in these feelings that come up. At times I feel like Im losing my mind when Im so done with being touched after hours of nursing and Ive finally gotten the baby in bed, then I miss her.

  52. Thank you so much for this! I had the worst possible last few days, ending with my husband calling a fraud of a gentle parent and telling me he was sick of me being unhappy most of the time… which is not exactly how I like to think of myself, but unfortunately, that’s probably hoe it comes across to him as I am constantly moaning and complaining when I’m not yelling these days…
    I was actually PRAYING for you to write a post like this so that I would not feel so alone yesterday, as your posts helped me so much in the past, and then you did that very day, I couldn’t believe it!
    I burst into tears as I was reading it, thinking you were really the only one who was going through the exact same thing… and then by the time I have 5 minutes to myself, 24 hours later, I come back and take a look at all the comments saying what I wanted to say!!! So I guess we are not alone, but you are definitely the one who writes it the best possible way for all of us poor souls out there!
    I was wondering though, how does your husband take this? Mine is getting really sick and tires of my struggles with myself…

  53. Megan Thompson says

    Holy wow! I am not alone! I am balling my eyes out at 6am. I try and sometimes thats just not good enough and like you said insert self hatred here….thank you for being so honest

  54. Rachelle cooke says

    Bad as breastfeeder.
    READ THEBES NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU

    By cheri huber

    If you take anyone’s advice read this book it take 2 hours maximum and is what $17.

    Changed my entire perspective of myself. Teaches you its okay to be mad it’s okay to be annoyed but you feel that you don’t react and you let it go. And so much more.

    I never comment on blogs but I really hope you read this. It’s so important for anyone in this world especially if you hold onto things as I am extremely guilty of doing my whole life.

    IF YOU DON’T BUY IT EMAIL ME YOUR ADDRESS AND I’LL BUY YOU ONE !

  55. This is me. I’m in tears. I so want to be a gentle parent, but I yell, I loose my patience and snap and I get frustrated.

    I’m a member of all the Gentle Parenting pages, own all the books – but when I’m tired and things aren’t going right, I find it so difficult to be a calm mama. To do the right thing.

    And the guilt ………….. the guilt …………. the self hatred and thoughts that every one else is getting it right and being what I want to be, but I’m failing …………… failing my children.

  56. thank you, thank you, thank you!

    I’m totally with you, every single day.

  57. When they grow up I can honestly say that I still remember the days “I lost it”…. those are the days I still regret.

  58. Thankyou so much for your honesty. I had tears in my eyes reading this, and the other ladies comments. I can really relate to this, and felt like it was just me. It makes me feel so sad, but your words have really inspired me. Page bookmarked to keep my chin up. Xx

  59. christinaramos says

    Wow, describes me perfectly. sigh… thank u for sharing. i really needed this.

  60. Thank you! This is me tonight, tomorrow night and every night forever.

  61. Thank you for this. I’ve been feeling like the worst mom in the world because my 9 month old is semi-sick and teething, and he’s sometimes driving me insane. I feel bad for him, I do. And I started out the day all snuggles and lovey and “I’ll do anything to make you feel better, sweet baby!” and then while I was trying to finish making lunch with him clinging to my legs, I decided to put him in his high chair with a toy. He saw me getting his food chopped up for him, and he started crying out with impatience, and I snapped. It feels like the whole morning of being a nurturing, sweet, patient, loving mommy gets undone in seconds.

  62. Thank you for this. I too have very little patience but am trying so hard to be a gentle parent and give my all for my son. Two books that have helped me be happier all around – Feel Good and How to win friends and influence people. Highly recommend.

  63. Abby, thank you for your honesty. I struggle, too, and reading posts like yours makes me feel less alone. I really appreciate your words. 🙂 My therapist encouraged me to be gentle with myself like I try to be gentle with my baby. Keep up the bad-ass breast feeding!

  64. Almost cried reading this, I can sooo relate…. Thank you for being so brutally honest ♥

  65. Definitely needed this. My seven month old has slept through the night once in his life. I am a single mother and I am up for the day at 6 am for school, I’m in school until 2 and then I usually work the evenings- 5-10. I am the only one who wakes up 1-3 times a night and it gets frustrating. I have yelled at my crying child and then I sit there holding him as we both sob. I hate feeling like a monster. I am doing much better at controlling my anger. One day at a time…

  66. That was awesome , I really need to hear that today.. 🙂 Good for you for not hiding behind this fake everything is butterfly and roses idea of parenting. This is very real and very normal and people hide it so much that you feel alone.. Thank you…

  67. You can still be a gentle parent without being a breastfeeding martyr!!! I’ve been in EXACTLY your shoes not too long ago… I know breastfeeding is what you’re all about, but really, when I felt like that and my kids couldn’t fall asleep easily on the boob, it wasn’t more and more boob that they needed… It was a big cry in arms (not cry it out) that they needed to release their emotions and they they would fall asleep easily. I feel like moderating the amount of boob I offered actually helped saved my breastfeeding relationship. I’ve been going non stop for over four years and tandem for almost two… You have to take care of your needs to, or you will keep having those feelings of resentment!

    • I completely agree. Letting my two year old actually express his feelings in my presence has made all the difference in our relationship and his emotional needs being met. Sometimes running to nursing is covering up some under lying emotional release.

  68. A huge thank you for this. When I got to the part about feeling like a fraud, I burst into tears. I’m a big ‘peaceful parenting’ advocate, yet often feel I can talk the talk but not walk the walk. I’ve really struggled with my son’s angry, disrespectful and unpredictable behaviour recently and the most difficult realisation has been “I’ve taught him all this. I’ve modelled this on too many an occasion.”
    Every day I try again and I feel like every day I fail, in either small or not so small ways. I wish none of us had to feel like this, but I’m also incredibly relieved to know it really isn’t just me. Thank you for sharing.

  69. Thank you, I read this at the most perfect time!

  70. This screaming mama of 4 really needed this. Thank you! I feel so guilty, but keep barreling on because I *need* to get it out. What I really need to do is find another way to get it out.

  71. Thank you for this. I have been experiencing this with my almost 7 year old. I can relate to those feelings of shame, regret, and failure when I have seen that look of fear in my sons eye. I try everyday to be better, better than what my mother was to me. I fail often, but keep on trying. I found your honesty refreshing and uplifting. Thank you.

  72. Stephanie says

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is such a relief to know that I am not alone. As a mom of 3, my hormones have been all over the place for a few years, between pregnancy and nursing. I feel like hormones, and the lack of sleep, has taken over my ability to hold it together all the time. I felt a new low this past week when my outburst scared my 2 year old son. It broke my heart to know that I scared this little person who looks to me for comfort and protection. It was the worst moment of my life, but I’m hoping that good will come from it and it will help me figure out a new way to release my frustration.

  73. Jen Poolaw says

    I loved the line, “We lose our shit” I ran into a gal pal that I hadn’t seen in years. She and I are both mothers to 2 and full-time workers outside the home. She asked if I took any medication because I seemed so calm. I told her that I lose my shit daily. I just have wine instead of Prozac! We mothers need to hear these words of encouragement more frequently. We do the best we can. Positive vibes to all the Badass Mommas!

  74. Thank you for sharing this Abby, I yelled at my son the day before yesterday and felt terrible. I have no one to talk to about it without feeling guilty; so reading this gives me more confidence as a mom knowing that I am not alone. Thanks for opening up and showing us that no mom is perfect.

  75. Thank you so much for this post, it hits home more than I’d like to admit. I’ve found that it’s those moments alone with my daughter that are the most precarious. I’m able to focus and set aside my frustration when my husband, or my mother, or my friends are with us. But when it’s just me and her and the defiance starts in… That is when I lose my shit and all I see is how mad I am and how much I want her to know I am mad. It’s absolutely the same as when she throws a tantrum or acts out for attention. In those moments I have a painful need to be acknowledged, for whatever reason. I am glad I am not alone, in my shortcomings and in my desire to strive for better. Remember to be gentle with yourself, too, mamas.

  76. That is such a wonderful point about gentle parenting, it is for us as well. I’m like you, I lose my ever loving shit with the children but I always come back to the same philosophy of how I want to parent and strive every day to achieve it.

    Thanks for sharing
    Tash

  77. My kids are now 14 & 15, but I remember those days all to well. It does get better. I still work everyday to make myself a better person for them and me.

    It’s so very hard to admit when mommy needs a “timeout”. Keep your chin up and keep moving forward. It will get better!

  78. Thank you so much for writing what, probably, a lot of parents are thinking. I’ll be saving this post to read in my more trying moments. Thank you again.

  79. Thank you so much for sharing this! I have been feeling like a huge failure because I can not hack it in my opinion of a gentle/AP/loving mother. I can not tell you how much this helped!

  80. Carmen Williams says

    God Bless you for your honesty. All of our lives would improve dramatically if everyone just spoke as truthfully as you just did. My eyes fog over and my bullshit meter goes into overdrive every time I read some story of a mom having the perfect parenting experience, loving every single moment of breastfeeding and adoring being at the constant beck and call of every grasping pair of hands. Yuck. Keep up the good fight and stay strong. All of life is a process. My boys are now 26, and 20 – they’re lovely humans, but parenting them was, and always will be, the hardest, most difficult job I’ve ever had. Thank you for being so very candid.

  81. I love you for posting this. Thank you for once again being one of the few parents brave enough to talk about the really difficult stuff.

    And I’m sorry people keep trying to diagnose you based on one blog post and no medical records in their hands. So annoying!

    <3

  82. Thank you

  83. I needed to read this today. I am having one of those days. On the verge of tears. I’m a nervous wreck, I’m anxious and I snapped at my baby girl, she’s 18 months. I can’t get her to eat breakfast, she doesn’t want eggs, cereal, toast, all she wants is milk (She’s on whole milk now) and fruit. Well I’m out of fruit! It frustrated me that she didn’t want to eat anything. I lost it, took her off the high chair and sat her in front of the tv. Her reaction? She slapped me. I picked her up and sat her on her chair and I yelled “STOP IT!”. She looked at me and her eyes started to fill up with tears. She was just silently crying. I walked away try to get myself together and I looked over and she was wiping her tears. The feeling of guilt, feeling like a bad mother, thinking “I’m not meat to be a mother, what am I doing?” got to me.
    My baby is an IVF baby. She’s my little miracle. And when I have days like this, I wonder if maybe I wasn’t meant to have children because I can’t be a good one. My baby girl is awesome! she’s smart, funny, soooo loving, gives the warmest hugs, kisses me all the time. It’s like I don’t deserve her.
    On top of all this… we are trying for baby#2. I just had an embryo transfer and I am waiting to see if I’m pregnant. Not only am I high on progesterone and estrogen, but the wait has gotten to me. Today is that day that I feel it didn’t work, yet again. The emotional roller coaster of an infertile is endless. Yet we put ourselves on that roller coaster again in hopes for a family and little sibling.

    And the thoughts of “I’m not meant to be a mother” are even stronger after what I just did.

    I needed to read this, made me feel not so lonely in the motherhood journey. I’m trying really hard, but sometimes I feel like a failure.

  84. And may i add that after having such a harsh moment for myself… reading about gentle parenting does not help!! LOL

  85. Thank you for this. I have a lot going on. My whole life has been….well to say the least a complicated mess. I have trouble controlling my anger. As a new mom I have screamed at my two month old to just stop crying and screamed at my 2 year old step son for pooping in the tub after being told if he had to go to go potty and him saying he didn’t. I have put my son down from less than an inch off the bed when I was angry. Told by another new mom that I could get child protective services called on me. I already felt guilty as hell. I do every time I yell. I have scared my son. Yet he moves in and a few minutes later everything’s fine. I’ve been afraid to admit to it because I feel like it makes me a horrible mom. I’ve considered putting my son up for adoption often because I know he doesn’t deserve it and he deserves better. I feel like a poor excuse for a mom and like I am the only one that does this. Nice to know I not alone.

  86. Thank you for this, you have no idea! Sometimes it’s nice to know we’re not alone out there struggling with this. To be a good Mom, and not totally lose our shit some days. Just, thanks…

  87. Mom to 3 here (8.5, 4, and 8 months). Ditto to every word. This generation is a difficult one to gently parent. The kids are adapting to getting everything at lightening speed (iPads, Netflix, amazon) and I find mine having applying this to our parenting relationships ( give me what I want now, no is not acceptable). Add to the mix, our parents and inlaws who did things a whole different way with a whole different type of kid yet full of unwanted and insulting advice, it’s soul-crushing somedays. And the on other days you open a drawer and find a note your 8 year old wrote on a heart shaped piece of paper that says ’15 things I love about Mom’ and you cry because none of them could be true. But they are in his eyes. So you hug him and promise to not lose your shit so often. And then ten minutes later your screaming again because he’s riding his bike with his shoes untied. The cycle is vicious.

  88. Thank you….

  89. Let me just say…..I could have written this. I identify with this 100%. My mom was a “yeller” and I perpetuated the cycle. I found myself being irrationally angry at things almost every day and took it out by being snappy with my daughter. I cried a lot of nights after she went to bed, swearing that tomorrow would be different. Don’t get me wrong, we had lots of great days. She knew she was loved to no end, but she also saw me be ugly on so many occasions. And then horrible night last spring, she had a severe asthma attack and passed away. I can tell you the guilt is slowly eating me away. Let it go, ladies. Breathe, count to 10, go scream into a pillow. Whatever. Take it from someone who knows the ultimate guilt. Don’t take out frustration on your precious babies. I only got to spend 7 years with my baby girl.

    • I’m so very sorry for your loss and your pain. This sounds trite, but I mean it sincerely, that I hope with time your guilt will ease. Hugs.

  90. Thank you so much for being so honest. With a 3.5 year old and 5 month old our children are almost identical in age and milestones. Since your second son was born everything you have written has been exactly what is going on in my home to and it’s helped me get through these very hard and frustrating times. I do the exact same thing with my 3 year old and it’s been only since my daughter was born. It sucks and I know I CAN change but I never do. Now that I have read this I am vowing to grow the fuck up too.

  91. Thank you so much for writing this. I needed to know I’m not alone.

  92. Try not to be too hard on yourself
    You are not the only one who goes through these kinds of struggles
    Hope you take some comfort in that
    Many of your fellow moms are in it with you and pass no judgement
    Keep up the good work

  93. I’m a Mum to 7 all aged under 8 and everyone seems to think I’m some sort of super mum. It doesn’t make me feel good, just puts more pressure on me to be this perfect parent that I am not. I feel less alone and less ashamed knowing I’m not the only one out there who struggles, struggles everyday. Thank you

  94. I am so happy for you that you are now realizing what you need to improve on but at the same time you need to teach your son to be able to help you as well because it can be overwhelming and very difficult. By teaching your son to help you, I am referring to teaching him consistency and rules. He needs to understand that feeding is not something that you do to occupy your time. It is something to eat… to teach your son this is simple… when he is no longer guzzling and just playing on your breasts you need to take him off your breasts and simply not let him do it again. Sure, he will cry and he will be upset but after a few consistent sessions he will fully understand that its not acceptable. Now for the bed time, again, you need to be consistent. When its time for bed, put him down and if he crys let him be… kids should be able to express their feeling and emotions by crying without mommy coming to the rescue… if he gets out of bed put him back down and do it again until he stays in bed. Soon enough you will have no issues with bedtime. Dont get me wrong, consistent parenting is difficult because it takes much more patience then just giving your child what he wants but is way more valuable for both your child’s and your own life. It will help eliminate emotional outbursts from both of you, and will also teach your child that “sometimes you can’t always have what you want because the real world doesnt work that way, and one day you will grow up and have to live in that world and I (mommy) will not always be able to give you everything you want”. You want to raise your child to have realistic expectations of the world so that they can succeed in their life.
    Great job on your improvements so far! Hopefully these tips help!

  95. Thank you for this. It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling with my 2yr 4 mo old lately. Been kept away laying in bed revisit the day we had and feeling nothing but pure guilt for the lashing out and snapping at my little girl. Who is exactly as you said, not in control of her feelings and what she does most of the time. After reading this I do feel as though I’m not all alone and that I’m not the only one that does this. I’m not saying it’s ok or anything but you are absolutely right that I am in complete control of me and I do recognize what’s going on. Thank you again for this.

  96. Thank you so much for this. Today was a rough day over here and this made me feel a lot better. It’s so hard with these little people – you keep telling yourself they’re kids and it’s not their fault they can’t express themselves properly, but it’s still so frustrating. Thanks for being real even when it’s hard – I think that’s when we need it all most.

  97. This is a lovely post. I have been following your posts about your struggles with tandem feeding, and breastfeeding aversion with your toddler. I wonder, what are you doing for yourself to make sure you’re taking good care of you? Is there a point where you will decide to set boundaries and guide him toward weaning? Just generally curious what the tipping point is?

  98. Oh my God, I´m crying so bad. I´m having these episodes with my daugther and I feel like s%$#. The worst part is when she comes and apologizes for MY behavior. I feel like the worst mother all over the world 🙁

  99. Thank you for being so honest! I literally bawled while reading this… I loose my shit a lot and it’s not till my sweet little girl is crying, confused, and her feeling are hurt that I realize that I snapped. I hate myself for yelling!! I cry many nights once she falls asleep, just begging for forgiveness because I don’t have enough patience. Reading this help ease my guilt that I’m failing as a single mom. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

  100. kirsten morales says

    i need this now as a grandmother, but as i think back 27? 28 years, i know i needed to read this, hear this back then. you share wisdom, and i thank you for the gift; i hope all mommies and daddies who check in here realize the truth in your words… the gentleness you speak of IS for them, and then for the children. oh the errors, the mistakes, the messes i know i left in my wake… I’m still trying to clean them up.. . prayers to all parents, but special prayers for my daughter who is trying her best every minute to do this right.

  101. Stacey Meaner says

    This was the most perfect thing I could have possibly read today…this exact moment. I needed to read this and every one of these responses as well. As you said, we are not alone but now after reading this I truly feel it, that I am not alone!

  102. I have to admit that becoming a mom has rocked my world. I have been forced to face and deal with the child that still exists within me – the selfish, I want what I want, I’m angry and want to be angry child that never grew up and I guess never really needed to until I became a mom. Like you said, now there is someone else at stake, someone who is relying on me to teach them how to navigate and deal with the world, and how to handle difficult feelings when they come up. It is a blessing to have the opportunity to evolve into a better version of me, to have a very powerful motivator with me day in and day out, but my goodness is it HARD! And then you add in the sleep deprivation! I have never given so much of myself, never had to dig so deep for more patience or wisdom and sometimes I still fail. But I will continue to try because I love my son and ultimately it is a win for us both. To be gentle parents to our children we must first be gentle parents to ourselves. It is so comforting to know we aren’t alone in these struggles. Strength and love to all you mamas out there!!

  103. “It’s not about him it’s about me” omg such a simple statement but you’re right! This entire gentle parenting journey (odyssey?) I’ve been approaching wrong! I’ve been coming at it all from a way to mold him into the gentle person, how do I get him to cooperate in a peaceful way. But, I can’t control him, he’s going to little boy the best way he knows how….so I need to change MY way of thinking and being so tha I can enjoy the little boyness of him and guide his growth not try toform it! Thank you for this!

  104. Thank you. A thousand times. I wish I could write that the way you did. At almost 42 I am embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior- which just makes me angrier, and the cycle continues. Some day I will break it!

  105. I can totally relate to this, I yell, I shout, I sometimes scream, I smack, I threaten, I punish. I hate myself for doing it, but I can’t stop myself. I get angry, frustrated, upset and lash out. I try to be gentle, try not to shout, try to reason and it sometimes works but then it doesn’t and I loose my s**t. They go to bed and I promise myself it will be better tomorrow, there won’t be any more anger, then 7am rolls round and it starts again

  106. Thank you for your honesty and bravery. I say brave because it is brave to put a part of you, a part that is especially so raw and truthful! I relate to this on so many levels as do most parents but most of us are to fearful, to prideful to be so honest!! I wasn’t a follower before but I am now! Thank you beautiful Mama!!

  107. Thank you for your honesty. Life with two young children is not easy. Tonight my son came crying to me after I rejected to be with him and I still rejected him after:(
    All we can do is somehow refill our own cups and start over the next day. What I try to remember is that in conflicts lay opportunities for repair and reconnection, as well as modeling being human, making mistakes and apologizing.

  108. This is me….every.single.day. I know the “right things” to say and do, but when push comes to shove it just doesn’t happen and I end up feeling horrible. I tell my husband all the time while sobbing, “I don’t want our kids to remember me this way.” I don’t want their memories of growing up to be a mother who constantly snaps, I don’t want them growing up thinking they have to walk on egg shells. I want them to grow up knowing that no matter how they feel I will be there to help them through it, not making them feel bad or punish them for feeling that way. Ugh! This crap is hard and it’s even harder when there is PPD/PPA involved.

  109. I feel so much better knowing I’m not the first person to get annoyed when their child has been nursing for hours. I am guilty of yelling at my daughter to just get off of me and go to sleep already. Sometimes I have to walk into another room because her crying is frustrating and overwhelming… and when I pick her up and she snuggles into me as if to say, “I’m sorry, Mommy” my heart breaks and I feel like the world’s worst mother. Thank you for admitting this and letting me realize I’m human.

  110. Abby, thank you! This really hits home, I find I struggle with my own temper and lack of patience with my children (10yrs, 3yrs, and 14 months) although the baby is a bit easier to understand and show compassion to I still find I snap more often than not and I always feel like the biggest piece of shit after, I try to hug them tighter and I apologize but the damage has been done. I have needed this article for a while and I thank you for being so real and putting this out there. Bless you and your family.

  111. Thank you! You are honest and brave. I’ve been there … and I’ll be there again … and I’ll make amends and try again.

  112. Thank you thank you! I almost cried reading this because it could be me writing those words. I really do feel like I’m the only one every day that I fail to keep my shit together and not shout. Thank you for sharing xx

  113. Thank you so much for sharing this. Just this morning I yelled at my nearly-two-year-old for not stopping something when I told her repeatedly to. She’s a baby, she’s supposed to push the limits to see where the line is. And instead of intervening and showing her, I yelled. And I do it a lot. And she cries. And I feel like the worst mom in the world for making my baby cry.

    Then I read this and a short while later I had the opportunity to try again when she had a meltdown over not being able to hold my car keys while I drove the car. Instead of yelling at her, I got down to her level, gave her a hug, and told her I understood that she was sad because she wants to hold the keys. She seemed to perk up and as she quieted down, I explained to her that if mommy doesn’t have the keys, the car won’t go and we won’t get to go run errands together. I told her that as soon as we were in the store she could hold the keys until we needed to get back into the car again. And you know what…SHE UNDERSTOOD! She actually willingly handed them over to me the next go-around and ever since has been saying, “Mommy need keys to drive the car.”

    The point is, I will yell at her again and respond in a way that makes both of us sad. But now I know I have it in me to respond in a more positive and constructive way. And in the meantime it’s nice to know that other moms are doing the same thing and feeling the same way.

  114. This is such an honest and true post. A lot of the “easy to gentle parent” magazine and online stuff (especially online boasters/judges … who are never as perfect in real life in my experience) is infuriating because it makes mums feel so guilty and like failures when it’s actually HARD (as is any caring parenting style). That makes the guilt and “I’m just not good enough” feelings worse. Like it’s an exam only to be passed by perfect parents.
    The truth is there are no perfect parents! Because we ARE just people and we CANT magically only have good days. Sometimes we fail and that’s a fact, not a reason to quit.
    It is hard. All parents and kids have rough days.
    But getting up and starting again and trying your best is what we do.
    No one’s perfect but if we act with love and try our best we will be OK.

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