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The Sex Argument Ends Here: Sex in the Attachment Parenting Family

Abby Theuring, The Badass Breastfeeder, with husband and son.
***My angry rant from the summer of 2012 when Attachment Parenting hit the cover of magazines and AP advocates were taking a beating on talk shows and everywhere else.***
I have many thoughts today about people that oppose Attachment Parenting. I can see the pain in people’s faces when they argue against Attachment Parenting. They become defensive, restless in their seat and overwhelmed. They begin to tell us that our kids are dysfunctional, we are over-parenting, what we do is too hard and what we do makes them look bad. It is very easy for me to become angry right back. I often argue with the TV, the internet, the mainstream. But there is one argument that always sends me into laughter.

“Where are you supposed to have sex?”

Before I had my baby I had sex in cars, at camp sites, in pools, in the shower, on the floor, on the dining room table; just to name a few. And this was before my son, just for fun, just living my life. I don’t think that I am particularly adventurous, but it just happens to happen in various places. I am pretty sure my son was conceived on the floor in front of the TV after the last game of the 2010 World Series.

Now that my son is born my life looks very different. It is a beautiful life full of fun, laughter, security, connection, a family bed and sex. So, where do I have sex you ask? The shower is romantic because the water is warm and bodily fluids are running right down the drain making every moment feel fresh and clean. You can do doggie style standing up or maybe stick to oral. In the dining room you can jump up onto the table and wrap your legs around your partner. On the floor you can lean on the couch or try some woman-on-top. Oh, the stairs! I forgot about our stairs. You can do doggie style here too or an interesting take on missionary. Do you get the picture? Is that answering your asinine question? Is there another question you have that you are afraid to ask? Do some people just have sex in the bed? Next to their sleeping baby? I bet that answer is ‘yes’ and if you have an issue with that then get the hell out of their bedroom. I’m sick of sex being seen as dirty, inappropriate and secretive.

If you can’t think of any other place to have sex then surely your sex life was not that great to begin with. So, as I have said to you before; stop trying to make us feel bad about being connected parents and having a good sex life. Stop looking for excuses to distance yourself from your children and take a long, hard look at what you have done and what you can do differently. Your guilt and criticism is getting old. Maybe you should get laid and relax.

Abby Theuring, MSW

Comments

  1. This is fabulous! 🙂

  2. the dryer. You forgot the dryer

  3. Put the washing machine on a spin cycle, hop on top, grab your man and away you go! Hahaha 😀

    You rock, TBB!

  4. AWESOME! Right on, mama. Damn yeah.

    Julie
    http://www.theprogressiveparent.org

  5. Love this, you are totally right! There was a heated discussion on my FB page a few weeks ago…I enjoy creativity 😉

  6. Thanks for a “fresh” take on the whole AP debate that Time magazine so thoughtfully threw into everyone’s faces. I am a long time AP mama. My “babies” are 28, 21, 19 and 16 now. While parenting is full of doubts, being an attachment parent was never one of mine. If you’re ever in the Portland, Oregon area, I’d love to sit at a coffee shop, smile at your son (while wishing for grandchildren) and swap stories.

    • Not afraid to admit that I am one of those that wakes up to a “ready” hubby, and since I’m already half naked (I sleep topless to make BF easier… and cuz it’s hot with the three of us un bed!) I just pop the baby off my boob and scoot him over to the edge of the bed (don’t worry there is a baby guard). He is sound asleep, and he is only 5 months old anyway so he has no idea whats going on! Now when he is 2 and still sleeping in our bed, we will probably take it to the shower… or the couch… or, who said washing machine? Love that idea 🙂

      • My husband and I do the same thing! Our son is 5 months old and is none the wiser!

      • Problem is our LO would wake up the moment she was removed from the breast… And as my wife needs as much sleep as the now 4 yo seems to do, I guess we’re not far from “once a year” now. But if it works for others, well, bless you…

  7. Love this post, as I was reading I was thinking yes yes yes 🙂

  8. It’s so awesome to me that this post was so well received!! Thank you all for reading!!!

  9. Its SO true, whenever i tell someone baby sleeps in bed, they’re like “tsk tsk, teaching him bad habbits” or if its a fellow mom, she often quickly and defensively explains why her baby sleeps alone or states she would NEVER get any sleep if baby was in bed with her, I just think to myself, You WISH you slept with baby in bed! Just because of ‘societal norms’ (they suck!) people think its a bad idea, bringing up your child so ‘attached’=).
    I like this post!

    • Lol! I love telling people we co-sleep just so I can talk about how great and normal it is. And you know what? SO many people bed share and just don’t talk about it because it’s taboo. I just laugh off any naysayers and talk about how well rested we all are. And when I’m asked if baby STTN, I just shrug and say if he doesn’t, it’s a quick booby fix and we’re both back to sleep.

      • Ashlea Blumenshine says:

        That is the thing with me. DD (14 months) sleeps right next to me and when someone asks why or suggests that she sleep in her own crib I just explain she still wakes up every 2 hours to nurse when we put her in her bed. They usually ask if she STTN when she is in our bed, the answer is no she doesn’t, but when she wakes up she just rolls over, gets some snuggle and a booby fix, and drifts off to sleep (neither of us even open our eyes). So she will continue to sleep next to me until she feels she no longer needs to. I do start her off in her bed, only because it is lower to the ground (in case she rolls out) while I am still up. And my goal is to get her to nap in her own bed, but that is because she naps in my arms which I don’t mind, except when nature calls. (she wakes up at the slightest move sometimes.)

    • Rebecca K says:

      To bowlofcherries, I have to say…I co slept with my first two until they were almost 2, but my current baby? He was in his own crib by 6 months (and has slept through the night without any ‘training’ since we put him in his own room) because we DIDN’T get any sleep. He would crawl over us, pull ears, hair, noses, poke our eyes, and do anything but sleep. Please don’t laugh at a mom who says that. The judgement goes both ways, and in many of my parenting circles I have felt judged for not cosleeping with #3, like I’m somehow a lesser parent for not accepting being woken up every 45 minutes to play.

    • Um, no, I do not wish my child slept in bed with me. I would be afraid to roll over onto her. No, I probably wouldn’t do it, but I would not get any sleep either because I would worry about it. To be clear, there is NOTHING wrong with co-sleeping, but there is nothing wrong with your baby sleeping in their own space either as long as they are taken care of. Good parents do what they feel is right for them and their baby. Don’t act like any way is the best way and everybody wishes they do it that way.

  10. Love this post! Going to have to follow you here for sure! More people need to be open to sex in different places! The more exciting the place…. The better the sex! In my opinion at least!

  11. <--- Single mom. 5 month old in my bed. Box of Mama's play toys is under the bed. But no one EVER asks me that!!! HA!

  12. One of my favorite t-shirts of all times says ” co-sleepers do it in the garage!!”

    Love the post!! I have to say we get this question a lot and mainly from complete strangers…. Appartently their love life isn’t so interesting!!

  13. AMEN!!! I’m so glad someone just linked to this post.

  14. Totally agree except I am a proud American and not all of us think sex is shameful. It’s a beautiful thing that keeps your marriage alive. Oh and btw u forgot kitchen floor lol

    • Right, I am American too. Not all Americans feel this way, but I would bet of the people that do feel this way they are residing in the western world where sex is taboo considering co-sleeping is the norm in the rest of the world! Thanks for reading!!

      • darmygurl5930 says:

        been in the middle of the “act” and LO woke up and decided he had to Nurse at that very moment, so selfish me and older husband continued the “act” while nursing…(LO fell asleep BTW must have been the gentle rockin. Lol) because those with older men know you can’t waist that moment or it’s gone…are we the only ones who have done this…..

  15. Just read this as my little girl sleeps on a breastfeeding pillow while still latched on. Love your post.

  16. 🙂 Love this post!!

  17. Lol love it!

  18. I can only think of a handful of times of husband and I have EVER had sex in our bed pre and post-baby too, haha. Sex in beds is boring, just like missionary style sex is boring. 😉

  19. Ds Co-slept only two weeks and dd 2 months, but whenever they ask to sleep with me they do, or if they are sick. I don’t think hubby and I tried on the washer yet, but everywhere else we have lol if the mood strikes when we have a little one in bed with us we go somewhere else lol
    Dd can sleep just about anywhere and ds has to be alone or he just won’t sleep unless he’s sick or in the mood to cuddle lol I wish they would sleep well with us lol

  20. lol, great comeback!

    Sometimes I feel abit guilty for my attatchment parenting, and it is all very energy consuming at times if I try to fight or go against what feels right, and sometimes I wonder is it all worth it, I start to question myself especially after people say im crazy, you need to be in control of him, you need him to be in his own bed how on earth do you have time alone as mum and dad, am I letting my child have control over us as parents, are we building rods for our own backs? –

    instinctivly I wait for my almost 4 year old to let me know when hes ready to stop breast feeding (hopefully by 5)lol, to toilet train, which some days he wants to and other days not, when dad is at home on his week off I let him tell me when he wants to sleep in his own bed, ill be letting him decide when he wants his own room, also if he’s hungry he can go into the fridge and choose whatever he would like to eat, when he wants…he doesnt have to have set meal times-but ill always prepare b, l, and dinner anyway just in case…im learning to accept that if hes hungry he’s freely able to get food from either the fridge or the pantry, and the hardest thing for me at the moment is bed times-because we co-sleep-if hes had an afternoon nap ill let him choose early or late night, but if it is a late night that he knows no matter how tierd he is in the morning I will be getting him up and off to daycare-in a way im trying to avoid the stress of forcing him to go to sleep when hes not ready, and learning that there are consequences for the things he chooses, like he gets tierd if he has late nights.

    It gets hard sometimes, and yes it is absolutely possible to have intimacy in the same bed as baby…as well as other places, its not like we do it when hes awake and watching!!!

  21. PS I think at the end of the night when he cuddles up to mum, when he opens up to me emotionally and talks about what he feels, when I see him interacting with others and how close we are…everything attatchment is totally worth it.

  22. You know…there are some people out there that literally could not sleep with a baby in their bed! Its not like everyone just lies about that to hope they don’t look like what you would perceive as a crappy parent.I tried to sleep with my son but it didn’t work for any of us. Stop being so judgmental bowlfullofcherries! Just allow people to do what works best for them!

  23. Mrs. Crouch is a bit grouchy. I loved this post! Thank you for the laughs. We play musical beds and usually end up with at least 3 of our 4 family members in one bed every night. Or the adults will split up and sleep with the kids in different beds. Sleeping all together just doesn’t work and no one can sleep. Everyone just does what works for them and their families. I didn’t take your post as judgmental at all. I just shared it on my blog’s FB page 😀

  24. Love the post!I get really tired of people telling me I should use a pacifier, or a crib. Or worse yet, people wanting to give him solids! He’s 3 mos! Grrrrrrr.

  25. I don’t attachment parent per se but the baby’s crib is
    RIGHT next to the bed so yes you often do have to try other locales lol

  26. By the way…I do not like the insinuation that those of us who don’t attachment parent are trying to find excuses to “distance ourselves from our children”. The reasons that I don’t have my baby sleep in the bed with me are numerous and are personal preferences – 1) I want my space, 2) my bed is too small, 3) I am afraid I would roll over on the baby…I am still very connected with my child. I breastfeed, he is a snuggler, so I hold him A LOT, and I am in no way trying to distance myself from my child. I understand that there are people who may insult you and say you are a bad parent because your style of parenting is different than theirs, but that doesn’t mean you should turn around and do the same to them!

    • I did co sleep for a week with my oldest but during a nap when she was a month old i woke up to my pillow on top of her after that i quit because to me it just wasnt a risk i was comfortable with. that and since having my kids i have become very private. i shared a room with my 4&2year olds due to living with my father in law and being in a one bedroom the bed in our room was the only option but we did get caught by our 4 year old a couple times and now i am really uncomfortable with the thought of having to share a room with our newborn (can only afford a two bedroom and law in our state is two kids to a room) and its not that i see sex as dirty but i see it as something that is sacred and something i dont feel comfortable exposing my kids to at a young age. (Family history of teen pregnancies

  27. Oh…I liked the post..but I didn’t like a comment from abowlfullofcherries.

  28. Risa…I agree!

  29. Our oldest humped daddy for a week after he walked in on us having sex and I told him daddy was showing me he loves me XD. The bed is where sex happens most often with us though I would like to be a bit more adventurous the sex is still great.

  30. PLEASE tell me we aren’t the only ones who have had sex *while* breastfeeding! Me on my side, babe on the boob (duh), hubs behind me … It works out well!

    • Another Lady says:

      You are so not the only one! It works great! Either this happens a lot or it’s just the two (well I suppose technically six) of us.

    • It works well with hubbie behind well u r nursing I love it everyone should be happy…

    • Nope, we actually do that often! It works so well and keeps everyone happy 😉

    • darmygurl5930 says:

      been in the middle of the “act” and LO woke up and decided he had to Nurse at that very moment, so selfish me and older husband continued the “act” while nursing…(LO fell asleep BTW must have been the gentle rockin. Lol) because those with older men know you can’t waist that moment or it’s gone…

      • I have so done this! I always thought it made me a horrible person! It is so nice to know that it isn’t just me!

    • Yes, this is common! We do and recently saw a little figurine (Mayan?) in a local museum, recently, where the parents were doing just this!!! Apparently, this has happened for centuries in many cultures!!!!

  31. Haha Been there done that Stephanie! Also- a mattress on the floor in the basement. *shrug* You make it happen 😉

  32. Camille says:

    It’s usually the couch for us. Whenever we’ve tried it on the bed when baby’s sleeping, we usually wake him up! Lol!

  33. TropiCarla says:

    Stephanie, I was just wondering the same thing about myself. LOL
    One of our first times post-partum was like that and I thought I would explode with love. Baby was blissfully unaware in her ‘milk-coma’ state and Daddy took care of business. heh heh
    Parenting requires so much creativity anyway, finding creative options for sex shouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

  34. Lori Stead says:

    We had sex, several times a day, up until the day my daughter was born. She sleeps with us. And honestly, we have sex in the bed, beside her… and the bouncing seems to help her sleep – no joke! We enjoy it anywhere we happen to be, inside, outside, every room, and sometimes even fall asleep in the guest room, waking when we hear her start to fuss… yeah… sex is important to us. So is our baby. I’ve long since stopped caring about what anyone thinks. Our family is happy and loves every day of life.

  35. Proud American & Attached Parent says:

    You had me until YOU went ugly and put America down. Shame on you for that one. Pity.

    • No. You are mistaken. I did not put America down. I stated that many people in our culture have a screwed view of sex. That is not putting a country down. I have been a social worker for 14 years and have done more for the people of this country than the majority. Your comment is more offensive and disrespectful than I ever could be.

  36. wow! Impressed with everyone’s sex life. We co sleep, well just moved 11 mo to his room and crib and we are all sleeping better. 3yo daughter in her room as well. I breastfeed and do a lot of ap stuff. anyway, I have no sex drive. Low hormones and no cycle due to breastfeeding. And it hurts! Surprised to hear of such high sex drives….I do love my hubby…just no libido yet. Anyone else like that? Plus I am tired at night for bed! breastfeedinged

    • I’m right there with you, unfortunately…

    • After 5 kids, I can tell you that it is normal…but not the rule. In my 13+ years of pregnancies, AP motherhood and continuous breastfeeding..at various different points in time I have had different levels of libido. After my last baby I am just now at 15.5 months starting to really have an interest again. It’s been bad. Real bad. But with a few of them, at just 3 weeks postpartum I was full on.
      I have never had dryness issues. I have no clue why since “they” always say it is a result of hormone balance while nursing. But I have been nursing for-evah without that…always have had a large supply, and got my period back anywhere between 4weeks and….just getting pregnant again a year pp.
      Anyway. My point is that wherever you are at with your sex drive..don’t beat yourself up about it. This too shall pass. And everything is a phase.

  37. Hahaha that’s hilarious!
    And what about the couch? And does nobody have a guestroom with an extra bed, if you HAVE to do it in the bed? I don’t know but if i’m going to bed i want to SLEEP!
    😉

  38. I think this is fabulous and I totally agree. You have to be adventurous sometimes. I find it more fun and exciting to have sex in random places.

  39. Since I have many kids…people will start to ask me “do you have…” then answer themselves “well you must find a way to have sex still”.
    I prefer the bed for cuddles and sleep. We used to have a wide arm chair…it was THE best spot. Dang, I miss that chair.

  40. With three young children, 2 of which sleep in our bed there is no escape from little boys trying to break the door down. Maybe when they are older we will try all those exciting places, but for now, we either barricade ourselves into our bedroom for a quick ‘cuddle’ or wait til they are all asleep and scoot 2 over into the single bed side-carred to our bed. 🙂

  41. You’d be surprised to know that AP is making a comeback in the U.S.A.

    I recently started taking a parenting class as I am a young mom and really enjoy learning. One of the biggest things we are taught in this class is to communicate on the child’s level and to validate them whenever we are given a chance. I’ve been praised for our BFing, cosleeping, and gentle parenting.

    This post is hilarious BTW, too many people are way too close-minded.

  42. Well, not necessarily from America, we had that argument not that long ago in a German parenting forum where most people are pro breastfeeding, baby led weaning, carrying, attachment parenting….. but with sex in the family bed the fun stops (pun intended). Well, we still have sex in the family bed, girlfriend sex, beautiful and quiet, for the wild ride, we have rooms available 🙂

  43. Our bed sharing experience so far has been good. Baby starts out in his bed, but when he wakes up for his late night feeding he comes to bed with us 🙂

  44. Oh my! This article is good stuff! Although I have to say that the other side to the argument ‘Your marriage will fall apart, because your not having sex if baby cosleeps’ is BS too. Unfortionately I bleed after sex badly when i was around 8 weeks pregnant. It upset my husband to the point he declaired sex off limits until the baby came. Now that my princess is 11 months old we still haven’t had sex. Why? Because for me breastfeeding has completely taken away my libido. NOTHING makes me aroused. I flat out wanted nothing to do with sex, I can’t even get wet. Throw a picture of a huge gorgeous male member in my face and I won’t even get a tingle. When before I’d be hot and ready for my husband. According to all the argument against co-sleeping (But really this has nothing to do with co-sleeping and is a normal response to hormonal changes) my marriage should be strained and my husband should be very unhappy. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. My husband has become more affectionate and absolutely loves having our daughter in our bed. He’s incredibly supportive of breastfeeding and knows once my cycle comes back so will my sex drive. Now my daughter suddenly decided she wanted the crib around 7 months, but still ends up with me from 2am – 4am when I latch her and fall back to sleep. Other times I just wake up to find my husband has brought her back in too! LOL! So keep on co-sleeping and breastfeeding, a solid marriage won’t be phased by any change in sexual habits. whether that’s changing the locale or going without for awhile.

  45. As an American I can agree with many of the flaws that come with it. However, with enough information I think we are going the right direction. Myself and many others I know are going toward the direction of nurturing our children. I personally co-sleep, and will with my next. I’m planning a homebirth, I breastfeed, and stay home with my LO. The most important thing for me is to follow my instincts, Internet advice is usually bad advise. I could never let my LO “cry-it-out” or sleep in a dark room all by himself without his being ready for it.
    As for sex, it is all about personal preference. My husband prefers having sex in bed, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a good sex life. There is still a lot experimentation and passion in our love life. We are adaptable and must find time for ourselves too (just not at the expense of our children). Living in America can certainly make things more difficult to explain to others so many of us, nurturing moms, just don’t say anything. I don’t tell people I’m having a HB, I co-sleep, I breastfeed a toddler, and soon tandem BF, and discuss my sex life. But don’t mistake the mainstream media for reality. Many Americans are looking for normality, it is just washed out by money and media. One day breastfeeding in public will be normal, sex will be normal, and nurturing our children will be common knowledge. So please be patient with other people and understand that in most instances its lack of education that prevents the right choices. Just think that if everyone felt guilty then maybe the lesson is learned.
    Great story though, but your being so judgmental puts you in the same ballpark,

  46. This is awesome and so encouraging. I had been “harassed” in the past after my first child about how in the world we conceived a second child because we live in a very small house and we co-slept with first child. I said “easy, the bed isn’t the only place to do it”. We still live in said small house and I had baby #4 recently. My oldest is 7 and a very close friend of mine said recently that I needed to “cut the cord”. I doubt she realized it but she made me feel horrible and I second guessed my parenting. I also resented her a little for it. I may be slightly over the top and I attribute it to absentee parents, but I’m ok with that. I definitely fit the mold of attachment parenting and thank you for making me feel that it is ok!!!!

  47. I would like to say I agree completely. You have to make time for your partner when you have kids. But it is possible. I was in a marriage for 5 years and we hardly touched each other once my daughter was born. When our marriage was over I found the man I was meant to be with. Currently pregnant w his first child. We will have 3 beautiful children. When we got into a relationship I had a two month old son. He still co sleeps and BF at 20 months. So a love life (sex life) is very possible. Thank you for the article.

  48. I think this article is great and I agree with a lot of it! It always amazes me how many people think we’re doing our kids a disservice by raising them naturally. I want to slap them and remind them that you can’t just upgrade kids like a friggen phone plan. What was best 100 years ago is pretty much the same now with the exception of advances in medicine. I don’t and won’t cosleep but if it works for you, go for it. Has nothing to do with anything except that’s what works for me. Thanks for being a badass breastfeeder. 🙂

  49. Great ideas, if you have 1 infant. What do I do about my 8 year old waking up, unannounced, wanting to climb into my bed? It would be more than awkward if my husband and I were going at it on the dryer when my son wakes up, frightened and desperate to find me.

  50. This is awesome! I love the last line “get laid”! I tried cosleeping with my second son (with my first I was too pressured by my mom not to — we lived in her basement and she’d check! oh and yeah I was 25 at the time) ANYWAY….yeah I tried to cosleep with my second son and it was great for about 6 mos, then I coslept once he had his first feeding of the night and I’d just leave him in bed with me. Once he hit around 9 to 12 mos though, it was AWFUL! and I was really upset because I so wanted to cosleep. I ended up putting him in his crib full time because neither of us were getting any sleep. He would literally play with my boobs, rub my arms and face, and head butt me all night (still does when he comes in waaaay too early for me to be up, so we snuggle…it’s miserable!). that and when I did fall asleep, I wasn’t moving at all and it was killing my back and shoulders. Anyway, pregnant with baby number 3 and we shall see how this one is with co-sleeping….I understand women who say they just can’t get any sleep co-sleeping because I really couldn’t, but I think the sex argument is a cop out.

  51. Felicia Pyles says:

    OMG!!! This was AWESOME!! Cheers to you and your great sex life! I love it! And I love being the parent I have chosen to be, which is attached and close to my babies! And it’s so true, guilt makes people ugly!

  52. I breast feed. I will breast feed until he decides not to. I breast feed in public without a cover. I cloth diaper. I use a baby carrier and it is rare that my child is not in my arms or in the same room with me. I do not bed share although we did co sleep for 4 months. I never even considered Liam sleeping in the bed with us and it was never discussed. My husband works full time and goes to school, we need our alone time! I do not feel guilty because I know he has and always will feel loved and cared for by my husband and I, bed sharing or not! I hate the accusation that someone that wouldn’t bed share feels guilty about their parenting choices and they are trying to distance themselves for our child! That is not fair and a very narrow minded view point!

    • I agree with you, Jamie… I breastfed twins beyond two years, cloth diapered, etc. I don’t feel at all guilty about having my kid sleep in their own beds. I had a toddler when my twins were born prematurely. I needed sleep, and there was no way I could safely and restfully sleep with all three of them, or even just the twins, in my bed. In times of severe sleep deprivation, I tried to let them nurse in bed with me so that I could sleep, and it was SO AWFUL. Even once they were off their feeding tubes and home, I was incredibly uncomfortable trying to hold two tiny babies to nurse and could not sleep at all. The NICU nurses warned me about the dangers of SIDS when co-sleeping premature, low birthweight infants. Since I had a close friend lose her 4 month-old daughter to SIDS, I took this very seriously. Do I feel guilty for not cosleeping? Am I making excuses? Am I trying to distance myself from my children? No. That’s ridiculous and offensive. Are my twins going to be emotionally scarred adults…? They often rode in a stroller, because I couldn’t strap both of them to me at all times while taking care of their two year old brother. Yes… unfair and narrow minded.

  53. If having sex in bed with your baby next to you/attached to you works for you, then good for you. But to be completely honest, I think it’s highly disturbing that anyone would EVER have sex with their child in the bed, let alone the room. So messed up. I don’t agree with co sleeping, but if you’re going to cosleep AT LEAST have the decency to go in another room to have sex… I cannot fathom how anyone could get all sexually excited while staring at the face of their innocent baby! So fucked up.

  54. This is awesome! We have 7 kids and have alWays practiced co sleeping and attachment parenting. I’ve been asked this question several times and never had the balls to say that but maybe I’ll try it!

  55. Jean M. Cooper says:

    This is AWESOME!!!!!

  56. I agree with most of what you have to say here and I have nothing against co-sleeping or other attachment parenting choices. I think if they work for your family, then great! I’m sure there are tons of benefits and it obviously works well for lots of people, friends of mine included. That said I don’t think it is right for any person, in any “camp” of parenting, to criticize another parent’s choices that are made from a place of love and doing the best they can. For reasons that are all my own (that have nothing to do with sex), we don’t co-sleep. I use a stroller most of the time. And ended up formula feeding after 4 months. While I don’t have any issue with any mother’s choice to use attachment parenting, I do have an issue with statements like, “Stop looking for excuses to distance yourself from your children and take a long, hard look at what you have done and what you can do differently.” I am not looking for excuses to distance myself from my child and I know there are things we ALL could look back and wish we had done differently. I guess the point is, for someone who is tired of others criticizing your choices, its surprising to hear such a blanket, criticizing statement towards others who may parent a little differently than you do. Again though, other than that one statement I thought it was a great read. Funny and to the point!

  57. I love this article! My husband and I only wish we had more space in our bed when things get hot and heavy there. (like we could use a double Cali king

  58. I love this article! My husband and I only wish we had more space in our bed when things get hot and heavy there. (like we could use a double Cali king

  59. I love this article! My husband and I only wish we had more space in our bed when things get hot and heavy there. (like we could use a double Cali king) Other than that we have plenty of fun and enjoyment in lots of places! Thank you for speaking so boldy. We are not disgusting nor slutty not shameful. We are married and our children are very happy and healthy- physically and emotionally!

  60. We do partial attachment parenting (co-sleeping, elimination communication, etc)
    But I don’t think we can say whether attachment parenting works or not until we have an entire generation raised on it and to see what kind of adults we raise.

  61. Kay Hagan-Haller says:

    I just snorted! This is so wonderful!!! Since we managed to have six children it is obviously possible to have a family bed and still have sex!!! People just need to mind their own business!

  62. Maybe you’d get more flies with honey….. Instead of insulting other people’s sex lives you know nothing about. A good sex life isn’t measured by the different rooms you have sex in, so maybe don’t talk down to other people you want to read your blog

  63. Loved this.

  64. P. Wittenbach says:

    Where there is a will…….there is a way!!

  65. Please excuse my ignorance but my understanding of attachment parenting is that baby is with you at all times? Where are they while you’re on the table with your legs are wrapped around your husband?
    Serious question, totally puzzled.

    • Jenny Pack says:

      Attachment parenting is just about creating a “secure attachment” with your child. It’s based on “attachment theory” and sound neuroscience. It means being attuned to your child, understanding them and meeting their needs, and being emotionally available to them. It does not mean “being with your child at all times” or even co-sleeping or bed sharing. You can be an attachment parent and not do those things. Many attachment parents choose to bed share, but it’s not one of AP’s “requirements”. You don’t even have to breastfeed to do attachment parenting. There are many ways (as different and unique as each parent-child relationship) to attachment parent, meet your child’s needs, show love, nurture, and support your child’s development. If you are interested in attachment theory and the science behind it, I suggest looking up some of the works of Dr. Daniel Siegel.

  66. Abby-
    What I love most about this past is: making sex less shameful, less hidden and weird to talk about. The other things I love: it points to the idea that a good sex life can help the patents stay closet, be attached and therfore be better patents (I know it had made a difference for us, kids now 11 and 7). Helps make happy babies and happy families. I think AP is more understood and accepted now, thanks to posts like this! Just like breastfeeding is becoming the norm!
    Thanks for posting.
    Anne

  67. I have a 15 month old and im from canada ontario ! 🙂 I absolutely love this post and it made me laugh all the way through it, its so honest and real its amazing. I cant stress how guilty i feel when both me and my boyfriend happen to be in THE MOOD ..which doesnt happen as often as we want to because our little guy wears us out. we have been together for 4 1/2 years and we enjoy a for filling sex life.. with much creativity ! I did breastfeed for 6 months until my little guy decided bottles were more better then my boob and we also co-sleep.. which i can say we dont enjoy it much because hes the biggest bed hog .. not including the dog. we dont get much sleep anyways. but i do admit ive have sex many times while my little guy was asleep and he never woke up once. i never realized there were many parents who also do the same and im glade im not alone on this one. once he is 2 we are going to be a little bit more discrete and take it somewhere else.. but in the mean time i just want a little bit of mommy time … im entitled to have FUN ! i can say from experience ill NEVER have sex on the kitchen table.. i decided to do that once and we herd a big crack and the table broke… sadly my bf did not catch me on the way down LOL OUCH ! one thing I love to do.. if you have a couple of pillow.. stick them under your hubbies bum when your ridding him.. ive got bad knees and i find if i get him off the bed a bit it feel way better and i dont have to work so hard, also if hes going down on you or your on your back you can also slide a couple pillows under your bum too… it works wonders on his part so he doesnt have to bend his neck so much.

  68. badass STAHM! says:

    Love this!! You’re such a bad ass!! Who would really have to ask that question, one who doesn’t have a healthy and awesome sex life?!

  69. Our problem has never been where but has been when. Seems like the kids are always awake almost the hours hubby & I are home at the same time. They’re 4 & 1, so we can’t exactly duck out of the room while they watch a cartoon & sneak in a quickie. Argh!

  70. Fantastic site. A lot of helpful information here.
    I’m sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious.
    And of course, thank you in your sweat!

  71. cha see says:

    Your sex sounds really uncomfortable. Additionally–yes, I do think it’s dirty and inappropriate to have sex in cars out in public, and I don’t care if that makes you feel tired or offended. People have every right to be critical of that. IDK if you use condoms, but having those things lying around everywhere so that you can be spontaneous at any moment or place you get the chance is just really unreasonable. It also sounds like you don’t always get much chance to actually take your clothes off. Sometimes, perhaps when your child is napping or when you weirdly sneak out of the bedroom while your child is sleeping at night. You clearly only have one child, because this method of yours would be hell for your sex life if you had a family of 5 and a working mother at once. SO SORRY if others who live normally have concerns and questions. You’re the one advocating a particular parenting style that’s intrusive to a couple’s privacy. You have the burden of explanation. People are curious, and rightly so. If they’re going to concider the method, they need to know how to manage their lives.

  72. cha see says:

    And yes–I do think it’s dirty to get your jizz all over the house. Have some respect for your kids and hygiene’s sake, or at least clean that shit up.

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