By Wendy Wisner, IBCLC
Like many moms, I had a ton of trouble breastfeeding the first time. My baby was super sleepy and wouldn’t wake up to nurse. Once I finally got him to wake up, latching was nearly impossible. Each latch felt like a puzzle I was desperately trying to figure out. I had to pump my milk for a while and feed him with a medicine dropper until we finally got into our groove.
The holiday season is upon us! This means breastfeeding around extended family. It’s a positive experience for some people. For some people it’s downright awful.
Let me tell you that you are not required to change anything about your parenting choices when you are around others. It doesn’t matter who it is or where you are. Even someone else’s house. You are not required to leave the room to breastfeed unless you find this helpful such as moving to a quiet area so baby is not distracted. You are not required to move to make others comfortable. You are not required to cover yourself to make others comfortable. You not required to provide anyone with an explanation about how long you plan to breastfeed, why you feel the need to do it in the open or any other questions that makes you feel put on the spot. If you want to engage family in conversations about why these decision are good for your family then by all means, it can be a teaching moment. However, if you want to keep it simple, “I’m comfortable here, thank you,” “This works for us,” “We’re happy, thank you for asking,” and other non-engaging responses are perfectly acceptable. You do not have to try to please anyone. You know are right. Happy Holidays.
I haven’t been totally honest with you. I haven’t been sharing my true breastfeeding journey for a while now. I was at first. I was all kinds of honest about how much breastfeeding drove me crazy, how nursing aversion set in and how I felt so touched out. I also shared the triumphs and the beauty. I still share that freely, but something has happened to my expression of the bad days.
I got so sick of hearing, “Well, time to wean!” And even the less obvious but still obnoxious, “You really need to listen to your body and it sounds like your body is telling you it’s time to end your nursing journey. But you have done so great, you should be proud!” Thanks, but I didn’t ask for your opinion and I don’t need your directive on how to feel much less on where I am in my breastfeeding journey.
I got so sick of reading those comments and hearing those snide remarks from random people who I dared express a moment of frustration to. Why are we so weaning focused? It’s like as soon as we latch a baby on it’s all, “When are you going to wean? How long are you going to breastfeed?” Why can’t a person just breastfeed and see how it goes? Why do we have to know the end before the baby can even suck, swallow and breathe at the same time? [Read more…]
