Sex After Baby: The Real Story

Every woman experiences sex after baby differently. I felt alone when the women around me were talking about how horny they were hours after giving birth. I felt there was something wrong with me. I never want another woman to feel that way. No matter what is going on you are not alone. This story is not rainbows and cotton candy. This is my experience and mine alone. You’ve been warned. 

If someone had asked me about sex after Jack was born I might have said that it would never occur again in my lifetime. I read in various places that I should wait 4-6 weeks, but I ignored it. I had way too much to think about. Who in the world was thinking about sex after giving birth?! When Jack turned 4-6 weeks old I was flabbergasted that people were expected to be ready to have sex. I mean the blood, the stitches, the gore!! The thought of something going in my vagina seemed just as traumatizing as the experience of a baby coming out. Not to mention the lack of desire. I thought “you’ve got to be kidding me!” To be honest, I don’t even think my husband was over the sight of seeing me push our son out of my vagina over a period of 30 hours. He wanted nothing for me but to be comfortable, healed and happy.

I lasted only a few days before I couldn’t stand the curiosity anymore. I took a mirror and angled it down to my vagina. Oh. My. Fucking. God. That was certainly never usable again. I had an episiotomy. I could see stitches. It looked like there were several incisions (I later learned there were not, it was just such a huge mess that it seemed like someone had taken a hacksaw to it). It was covered in blood. No matter how much I sprayed that damn peri bottle at it. I couldn’t even tell where the opening was. Sex? Are you crazy?

But it wasn’t just the state of my vagina that made the 4-6 weeks recommendation laughable. I had absolutely no desire to have sex. I was completely stunned by life. I hadn’t had time to absorb my new role as a mom. Before Jack I couldn’t relax enough to have sex if there was a dirty dish in the sink. Now my life was turned upside down. My very identity was in question. I did not suffer from Postpartum Depression, but I had some dark moments. I couldn’t figure out how shitting and showering fit into my life anymore much less an intimate moment alone with my husband.

I bled for 2 ½ months after Jack was born. Yes, you heard me. 2 ½ months! So that completely took away the perk of not getting my period for 9 months. I went in after 6 weeks to get my pap smear. When I say I was terrified I am making an enormous understatement. I thought about this for weeks beforehand. I was petrified. She was going to have to use the speculum. Also known as the duck bill, evil clamp and car jack. Oh dear lord. How was I going to live through that? I panicked at the thought of it. My heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. I was truly scared of going through with this. I contemplated never returning to her office. Due to the continued bleeding she had to reschedule. I was relieved in the moment, but the anxiety just continued to build when I left.

One evening I was cruising around a mommy group that I had joined. Someone brought up the topic of sex. My friend casually stated something about having sex. My mouth fell open and my stomach turned upside down. She has had sex since giving birth? I couldn’t comprehend this. I asked her if I understood her correctly. She said “yes, and I think it’s even better now because I am a bit tense about it.” So, not only has she been having sex she been enjoying it and not only has she been enjoying it she has been enjoying it more than before giving birth? I was literally stunned for like a whole week. Could not stop thinking about it. I must really be the only one left who isn’t having sex.

My husband and I had open conversations about this. I expressed my fears. He said he understood. I am sure after a few months passed he was wondering when I would start to move to a new phase in mommyhood. As with any long-term relationship sex had been a topic of discussion before. We had gone through rough patches and smooth patches and back to rough patches. Translation: He always wanted to have sex. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I would go long periods of time not wanting to. This always made him feel rejected and undesirable. Most of the time these rough patches (the long periods of time when he wanted to have sex and I didn’t) were very rough. We worked through it because we love each other. I never had an answer as to why I would go so long not wanting to have sex. I still don’t know.

Another layer of complication was that it took some time to change our thinking about sex. We had sex for fun for 10 years. We had to relearn sex for the purposes of procreation. Now we had to relearn it again as something for fun to celebrate our relationship. Have sex for fun? You mean I am supposed to be excited about the fact that you are going to put your penis into the slaughtered mess that was now my vagina? Yeah, sounds like a ball of fun.

I returned to the doctor for the ever dreaded pap smear. It was totally painless. I told her I was afraid to have sex. She said I would be OK physically and that I should consider doing it soon so that my mind didn’t start to make it worse than it really was. I understood what she meant and the painless pelvic exam decreased my anxiety. However, we still had to deal with the logistics of it. I didn’t want to. Even if I could muster up some desire when would this happen? Where would this happen? Even if I wasn’t going to tear any stitches anymore why did I feel so… raw? My skin was healed, but there was still so much going on down there. It felt like there was extra skin. I felt like my vagina was wide open. Like if I put in a tampon it would fall right back out. Would I ever be the same again?

We finally made it happen one night on the couch (co-sleepers do it in the… whatever room is free!). It was painless and that is all I remember. That is all I was concerned about. Even 14 months postpartum I still have little desire to have sex, but we have been actively trying to conceive since about 6 months postpartum so it happens on a regular basis. I am a Mama with her eye on the prize so I suck it up and make it happen. We are always trying to finish as fast as possible since Jack seems determined to be an only child. He has become an expert cock blocker. I don’t have much concern with the lighting, the position, the foreplay or the heat. For now the purpose of sex remains as a means to procreate and not just for the fun of it. It’s business and we are happy with that for now.

My vagina seems to be back to normal, mostly. That gaping hole feeling is gone. I suppose the muscles strengthened back up. I am not exactly the same down there, but it’s good. I have my agenda permanently out on the table to mark the days of my cycle. I started my period about 7 months postpartum and by 10 months it was regular. We plan our sex according to the calendar. Still no baby. Please send me your baby vibes so we can do all this over again.

Abby Theuring, MSW

Comments

  1. it’s incredible how we keep putting ourselves back through the ringer when it was traumatic. my first birth was wonderful. 2nd was horrible and my manly said, literally right after dd came out, “so you ready to try for that boy?” i swore off ever giving birth again. yet here we are 8 months later and i’m the one saying we should have another! and as far as the sex thing, you’re doing better than me. we’ve had sex 3 times in the last 8 months. manly is not a very happy camper atm. i’m just too damn tired to bother after dealing with the baby and a VERY difficult 4 yr old every day. maybe in 4 more years, we’ll see….

  2. Now that i’m 58 and don’t think about babies except those given to me with the title ‘grandchild’, I find what makes me feel better in most times of fear and loathing is a Xanax and a nap. I’m available for babysitting if the ‘nap’ part ever becomes a reality. Thanks for the lifestyle update it was a hoot!

  3. I’m just so happy that you are willing to talk about this! I am 11 months postpartum, and I just can’t seem to get into the swing of things! My partner doesn’t seem to suffer from the Madonna/whore complex…I do! I just can’t seem to feel “nasty” when I have a sweet innocent baby in the next room! I also have a low drive which is a drastic change for me. That, coupled with PPD and let’s just say I’m not exactly fired up down there! It’s a work in progress, but it feels good to know I’m not alone!!!

  4. It’s amazing how different women’s experiences can be! We almost did it with the baby in the bed the night we came home from the hospital and both of us had to take a cold shower. Our first time was after four weeks & it’s definitely different. We have more fun now bc we have to sneak & hurry. At around the ten week mark I hit a wall of not wanting to be touched & we’ve been coping but it’s a challenge & an occasional nidus for conflict. It makes me feel better knowing other mama’s have to adjust too.

  5. I feel like you have literally taken the words out of my mouth. I’m 17 weeks PP and am terrified at the thought of being penetrated. I keep having sex dreams though–like my subconscious is ready and telling my body to go for it! Thanks for talking about this!

  6. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am 6-months pp with my 4th. I’m apparently what my DH calls a sex-camel. I can do it once and go for months. I try for at least once a week to keep him happy and non-rejected, but I’ve felt for some time that something was “broken” with me. Zero desire. None. It’s the most stressful part of our marriage for me. Glad to know I’m not alone out there. Crossing fingers in toes for the stork to pay you a visit soon.

  7. I’m glad you shared this! I had a very rough post partum experience which made me terrified of intercourse. At about 12 weeks, we attempted it, but it was so painful I cried and we stopped. It was terribly painful for months. Only at about 10 months did the pain fade. My family physician told me to have sex, even if it hurts, and it will get better, and it did.

  8. Thanks so much for sharing this,I really enjoyed reading it :)
    I´m going to admit that all 3 times,my sex drive was through the ROOF right after giving birth.I think that what did it for me was knowing that we actually COULDENT have sex yet,and it made me crazy lol.I had an emergency c-section with my first,and two BIG episiotomies with my girls VBACs,yet I only managed to wait around 10 days PP all 3 times.DH and I have always had high sex drives and we have had sex daily since the day we met 14 and a half years ago,so I was worried about the PP period and how we´d cope with going so long without sex.We didnt lol.
    I remember feeling like the odd one out for the oposite reasons you explained..everyone in my due date club (online) seemed to be avoiding sex and I was desperate to start doing it again!.I was so embarresed to talk about it.As for not wanting it so much,have you tried talking about that with your doctor? I have a friend that had this issue and it turned out to be something to do with her hormones.She started on a treatment (hormonal cream for her genital area plus pills) and in 2 weeks she was totally fine and she was the one initiating sex with her husband ;)
    Anyway,I really hope you conceive quickly! Good luck!! :)

  9. I was single after my first so I have no one to have sex with anyway, but I know ALL TOO WELL the horror of the post-partum vagina. I didn’t have an episiotomy, but I tore up through my clit and had something like 26 stiches. My vag will never be the same, but miraculously, it did eventually heal in a somewhat reasonable way.

    I had #2 5 months ago – I still have no desire to have sex (I think it is hormonal with BFing and all), but I was ready to try by 4 weeks PP. It hurt. By 6 weeks, it didn’t. The second birth was MUCH easier on my lady parts – I hope yours will be too!

  10. WoW! LOOOVE knowing I’m not the ‘only’ one out there having these issues. 11wks pp w/my 4th baby. Its actually been 11yrs since my last natural baby and I’m lets say- alot older (38) and my whole body feels like a deflated balloon! So not feeling sexy right now. Other than that, I’m EXHAUSTED at night- my little angel is attached to me pretty much 24/7 and is still nursing EVERY 2 HOURS.. so even if I could find some time away- I can not muster up the will or desire for S.E.X.!!! My hubby is understandably not happy right now. Rubbed my thigh the other night and said he felt like its been YEARS since he touched me at all! Told him we def. could not have sex before my 6 week ck up- but its literally been 6wks beyond that and I got an IUD so birth control is not even an issue!…. REALLY need to get w/it and at least TRY to get it together for the 10minutes I’m sure it will only last! :)))

  11. Thank you for making me feel a little bit more normal! At that six week mark, I was completely uninterested in sex, and confused by all the people in the chat rooms (which I frequented during late-night feedings) talking about having sex before that mark. It was a few months before my husband and I had sex again (thank goodness he was so patient with me!), and I didn’t even tear that badly. I just didn’t feel *right* down there. (No, I never looked… too terrified of what I’d see.) It was a long time before I felt halfway normal again, and eight months later my drive is still pretty low.

  12. Totally felt the same way!!! We had sex for the first time after baby at like 10 weeks, and for me I only had sex because it had been 10 weeks since we’d had sex. I just *could not* fathom how women on our birth board were already popping up pregnant! Anyhoo, I still don’t feel that excited to do it – I figure it’s the nursing hormones and am impressed how well mother nature engineers things to help us space out our babies!

  13. I’m the total opposite! We made it to three weeks before we “got back on the horse” hehehe Even though I am nursing the desire has been strong. The problem is we co-sleep and live with family so opportunities alone are rare :-/

  14. OMG!! Took the words out of my mouth. The whole bit, pre and post baby. I avoided my check up with the doc until 10 wks because I didn’t want to tell hubby I had the all clear to have sex again. No pain first time, but had sort of ‘flash backs’ to labour and the vag trauma! All passed now, first is 2.5yrs and I’m 14wks preg with number 2. Feel like we have a sex groove going ok now, mostly I get into it once we start but I rarely initiate it unless I know hubby is getting desperate and is trying not to pressure me! Ha ha… Marriage is a balancing act in every way that’s for sure. Womanhood is a balancing act!

  15. I had pain the first time and I had a C-section! I was in active labor for a while though, which I’m sure had some affect down there! Anyways the first time we stopped bc I think my husband saw the look on my face…that was exactly at 6 weeks. So 3 weeks later we tried again and blamo, no pain, felt great! I have a healthy sex drive and its back to full blown at 4 months pp. Ladies, if your sex drive is low sometimes that can mean hormonal imbalance. I recommend acupuncture, which helps me keep my periods regular (great for future conceiving) and my body feeling great, plus you get 45mins to an hour of pure relaxing bliss. I also used it after a miscarriage and I was able to get pregnant within 3 months of the miscarriage and have my beautiful son, Isaac. Our cycle is quite a complicated thing, many hormones come into play, so if one little thing is off it can really affect our sex drive, ovulation, and ability to conceive again. Acupuncture has even been shown to be more effective than drugs to help women conceive. Let your practitioner know how you are feeling and I’m sure they will help you feel like your normal self!

  16. Glad to know I am not alone out there as far as desire. I am 11 months pp with my second and I feel little desire. I try to reassure my husband that’s it’s not him, it’s me, but that doesn’t exactly work with men :P Sending you lots of good vibes and prayers that you conceive soon!

  17. You should pee on a stick to see when you ovulate…. i had trouble getting pregnant with second child because I was so wrong on knowing/thinking when I was ovulating…

  18. You are absolutely hilarious! I love your blog and your openness about “mommy” issues and parenthood! Wonderful! It’s my whine down with a drink at the end of the day! Thank you so very much for being so honest! <3

  19. Melanie says:

    My baby girl is nearly 4 months old and we haven’t had sex, my poor hubby is very patient but I could quite happily never do it again, I know i need to, I think what’s causeing it is I have 4 children and Iv had them all by c section, my first was twins so iv had 3, they have all gone smoothly except for my last, things became very dodgy and I came close to dying, I was quite poorly for a while after, we agreed that Gracie was the last child as we couldn’t risk that again. So now I have a fear of sex because I’m scared of getting pregnant again and getting a quite moment and being in the mood is hard but we have booked a hotel and some babysitters for in 2 weeks so hey ho here we go.

  20. j's mom says:

    Thanks SO much for this post.
    I’ve had ZERO sex drive since having my baby 13.5 months ago. It was a fairly traumatic birth (baby was ‘star gazing’) which ended approximately 30 hours of labour in an emergency forceps/episotomy delivery when they finally realized what was holding things up.
    My Dr. Couldn’t do the pap at 6 weeks… it was just too painful.
    Despite trying (although not too often) my husband and I haven’t had sex since before the baby was born. We’ve started, but have to stop because I’m literally in tears, it is so painful.
    My Dr. Told me I’ve healed well and that I’m “just being too sensitive”. At this point, I don’t know what to do! I’d like to have sex, I’d like another child (in the future, not quite yet) but at this point I’m wondering if we’ll ever be able to do “it” again. It’s really getting me down. :-(
    Any advice?

  21. Mama Russia says:

    I was so scared after giving birth. And I bled for 8 weeks and then 2 weeks later I started my period so in the end we didn’t have sex for about 3 months. I have no idea how people have sex even before the 6 weeks is up. But then again my husband doesn’t like sex when I’m on the rag.

  22. Thank you for sharing this! We’re 7 months PP and I have ZERO interest in sex. Glad to hear I’m not the only one.

  23. I love your total honesty….I think you are someone I could totally hang out with……I was a single mother of my now 15 yr. old (married now) and I certainly can relate to your feelings. I remember having NO sex vibes until Chyenne was 2 ish and I also know that I feel blessed that single-parenting meant I didn’t have to negotiate anyone else’s needs other than my own or hers.

  24. My husband and I tried to have sex at 11 weeks PP. Let’s just say, it didn’t go well. He did all the right things, and my brain was in “sex space”, but my body would not cooperate. I’d only had a very small tear, and 3 stitches after birth, but I think they sewed me up wrong. The opening of my vagina felt too small or in the wrong place, like it wasn’t mine anymore and I had no idea how to work this new one. When he tried to enter me, it wouldn’t fit, and I bled and he felt bad for hurting me even though I told him it wasn’t his fault. Three months later, we successfully had GOOD sex, and I was relieved. It’s still not as frequent as it once was, but tends to be more spontaneous, when we can steal a free moment. I envy some people who were able to jump back in the sack after that 6 week appointment, but I definitely wasn’t capable at that point,

  25. Kellymom08 says:

    I have 2 children, 2 and 4, and with my first child I had an episiotomy so dramatic that it didn’t heal for 6 months. I didn’t have any pleasure down there for a year, and then one day it all started to work again right. Orgasms are better than ever now and just going through the great mommy transformation is difficult, it is emotional and reaccessing your identity really affects your self. You have to find your enjoyment in sex and the orgasm, and for me I had to actually stop nursing, so I nursed my first for 18 months, and the minute I stopped, I discovered my orgasms, and I was pregnant with number 2. Stop making it about another child and make sex a reward for being a great wife and mother. I always love making my husband really happy in sex and part of that is discovering their sexual needs and being able to enjoy intimate moments, that are like mental fourplay, and it is okay to schedule in some sex on a calendar it kinda builds anticipation. Sex for us is more than just a peg in a hole, it is suggestive moments in the kitchen which lead to may be a passionate kiss or a snuggle on a couch while watching Sesame Street. You have to find the fun and your enjoyment or you will never get your 2nd. It is okay to enjoy something and get the end result you want, you body has to be physiological invested too, an orgasism is created for enjoyment and the collection of strong sperm in the uterus. Best of Luck.

  26. Abby, thank you so much for your honesty! I thought I was alone. I have 2 kids and didn’t have sex while pregnant with either one, and it sure as heck took me a while after they were born. Not I mention being touched-out from nursing all day, sex was THE LAST thing I wanted to do at the end of the day. Your honesty is refreshing!

  27. Wow you are brave! Thanks for sharing it definitely made me feel better as well! I had 2 c-sections but it still hurt the first time after not having sex for so long and being dry due to breast feeding. Hubby and I have had MANY conversations about sex. He always wants it and the more he expresses it it’s like the more pressure I feel and the less I want to. I think it has something to do (on top of a low sex drive) with being needed or like just wanting a break. Sometimes I feel like, omg here is 1 more person to add to my list off people that neeeeed something from me, can I just be left alone. Ive asked hubby to be more romantic and what not, but I think that’s a whole other struggle. After 13 years there’s no wooing or trying on his part and how do you ask for flowers and then get flowers and then it just doesn’t feel special. And then again I try to be understanding of his side of it and think how rough it would be to be a guy! Anyway the whole vagina hacksaw mess was pretty hilarious but I hope you are feeling better! Definitely going to send good positive baby making vibes your way!

  28. I know everyone’s experience is different, but this makes me so grateful for my awesome planned C-section. Three days out of hospital I was giving handjobs and two weeks out we were back in the throw of things. Neither of us have ever felt weird about being sexual with the baby, now toddler in the next room so I had never really thought about that. The one weird thing for me was that I was pumping for her first six months so boob play made me uncomfortable during that, but it never seemed to occur to him lol

    • Us too! Unplanned c-section, but hand jobs after I was released…. Although we tend to be intimate when we are stressed so after having an emergency C section at 30 weeks with a tiny baby in the NICU, lets just say we were quite stressed everyday…. if you get my drift… Plus I hademy boobs out while pumping every 3 hours so my husband was always raring to go haha I’m like “dude, let me finish pumping first!”

  29. I fear my sex life is nothing bit problems. First of all, my boyfriend never wants to have sex. He has absolutely no sex drive at all. This above all else is the reason we barely attempted sex while I was pregnant and haven’t had sex since those epic failures, and our daughter is 13 months old now.
    Aside from his lack of sex drive, I don’t feel like my sex drive has returned at all, and I definitely had a healthy drive before. I am still breast feeding, and I know it’s hormonal for the both of us. However my hormones being in this condition is normal and his is not. He is 35, and should always want sex.
    My daughter and I co-sleep and my boyfriend sleeps on the couch. He snores like a chainsaw and I have never been able to sleep with him. My sleep has always been precious to me, which is why I co-sleep with my baby. My daughter nurses so much in her sleep that I can barely manage to sneak away to pee in the middle of the night before she wakes up because I’m not there. Now, I keep reading how co-sleeping is awesome and the best way to go, but how do you figure out how to detach from the baby?
    My daughter will barely nap without being on the boob. I can get her to fall asleep in the car and sometimes in the stroller, but never for very long.
    I’m at a loss on both my sex life and my ever-attached daughter. I haven’t had sex in over a year!!

  30. I feel better knowing i’m not the only one who doesn’t desire sex. I had my daughter almost 6 months ago, and I have my 2 year old son….so I’m beyond exhausted! My husband feels like I don’t love him because we have only had sex 3 times since my daughter was born. I’m just so tired, and never want it. I’d rather have a back massage! I feel so bad for my hubby though!

    • I feel exactly the same, my son is 7 months and I have no desire. I blame breastfeeding.

      I too know hubby isn’t happy about this and we have had sex a few times but I haven’t been interested or really enjoyed it – it is simply a matter of trying to be a good wife as well as mother. The pressure makes me feel more tense which I think then creates a vicious cycle. An early problem was knowing that baby would wake for a night feed very soon – as soon as we were done he woke… no sleep for me til 2am :/

  31. He’s probably sleeping around. 98% positive he is.

  32. I had a c section with my first and when it came time to have sex I don’t remember how I felt beforehand, I do remember how I felt after-hand. The experience was awful! It was the most painful experience ever! I did not understand. I did not even have a vaginal birth! I went to the doctor. The doctor said that this can happen with women. That when you breastfeed you are not producing estrogen. My dr put me on a low dose estrogen BCP. That did not help. Neither did multiple lubes or vasoline. It was like a slip and slide down there, but it still HURT! We had sex maybe a 7 or eight times that first year after I had our first. I eventually stopped bf just short of a year and our sex life went back to normal. Well as normal as it could with a baby. Every story is different. Every body is different. I am 4 months postpartum with my second and am having the same problem with sex hurting. I will just keep pushing through and trying. Sex is important to men. I remember when it was important to me. I remember when I enjoyed it and I will enjoy it again some day again.

  33. I was ok with sex after I had my daughter. But after my son it still hasn’t happened. I’m eight weeks postpartum and I’m still really nervous. The weird thing is I didn’t tear at all with my son, but he was a beast. He was clearly overdue and pushing him out was excruciating-even though I had an intrathegal. Not to mention the look on my husbands face when he saw the after birth makes me nervous to let him see me naked.

  34. I am 7 months postpartum and still haven’t had sex. Logically, I know it will be fine, certainly won’t hurt and there will be no complaints on his end. I have Zero sex drive though. I exclusively breastfeed (still up to 8 times a day) and I’m a stay at home mommy. Love love love my baby girl but she’s always with me/on me/touching me/spitting on me, etc all day long. It’s hard, if not impossible for me to feel sexual, not to mention I kind of just don’t want to be touched the little time I have when baby is asleep. I just want a few moments where my body is MY own and no one is pulling, kicking, pinching, poking on me. I know I need to have sex with my hubby but at this point it would only be because I should, not because i want to. I’m scared i won’t ever want to. :(

  35. Britta Spencer says:

    There is no reason that sex for procreation cannot also be sex for fun… I wouldn’t be able to convince my husband to get me pregnant any other way! With that being said, I also feel lack of desire and would much rather a back massage. My youngest is two and a half and also a very effective form of birth control/ cock blocker.

  36. I love thus story its raw its true and its not sugar coated there are so many glorified stories about pp sex its almost like a seen out of a romantic movie when o hear these glorified stories I feel less than adequate then finally I read some truth something that actually sounds like the real thing thankyou thankyou thankyou you have just made me feel human again less alien like I’m not alone I’m not weird again thankyou!

  37. mommy megan says:

    I am so glad I found this, im only at 6 weeks postpartum had a 2nd degree tear and holy shit im terrified my lady parts will ever feel ok again. I went in for a check up denied for mirena, sex and bathing and yet my hubby all day everyday reminds me of how we should have sex. Knowing its the norm and it gets better helps. Thank you.

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