Bad Day From a Kid’s Perspective

How can I say this? Today was shitty. Yes, shitty, that works.

It started off grand with a 45 minute run through the park pushing my 2 boys, sun shining, healthy breakfast, I was kicking life’s ass and it wasn’t even 9am.

Then we decided to go to the beach. It’s in the 80’s here in Chicago and we never miss a chance to crowd onto the streets when the sun is out. But with a plan like this with a 6-year-old and 3-year-old you must have zen-like patience. And I have the patience of a crocodile.

We started the packing of sand toys, blankets, snacks, sunscreen, swim gear and as quickly as it was being packed up it was being unpacked by a toddler or a cat. I swear to you all I was being so calm. I was just picking up the messes and keeping on. But as you all know the chaos continued. And even though the beach is just 3 blocks away from us this started to feel like a downward spiral that had no end.

This past weekend I left my keys at my parents’ house and so my husband and I have been sharing his keys. He took the back door keys, I took the front door keys. I didn’t remember until he was gone that I would not be able to get the jogging stroller out of the back gate without the key and so I had to fold it and carry it through our city condo.

Now the stroller, our crap and my 2 kids are crowded in our front hallway. Seriously folks, I had not had a meltdown yet… Until Exley decided to walk down the stairs and out of the building. I told him to stop several times and he ignored me. No surprise there. Jack said, “I’ll get him!” And he proceeded to leave too. I stormed down the stairs yelling at them (mostly Exley) to get back in the house and never to leave without my permission and why can’t he listen. And I unleashed my growing frustration in a few very loud sentences.

I was so lost in my anger I didn’t notice what I was doing. I turned around to see the exterior door shut behind all of us.

“NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed. “And this is all your fault!!!!!” I yelled at Exley. Jack started to cry. Hysterically. “Are we stuck here forever? Are we ever going to get in? What’s going to happen to us????”

I had to gather myself and reassure him that everything was fine. Like usual I had to get control of my emotions and put them all into perspective for him. It wasn’t the end of the world, but I sure as hell wanted to hang onto the rage as long as I could! But Jack needed me to chill out. So I did.

I tried some picking of the lock with a stick. I could see our stuff in the hallway and the cats emerging from the door wondering how they got so lucky this time. Then I went to the neighbor’s house and we all chatted about what to do. Finally I called my husband at work to come home.

Jack said, “Mommy this was really your fault because I told you I would get Exley. You didn’t need to come out.”

He’s right.

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We ended up going to the beach and having a good time. Later he was doing art at the table and brought me 3 different papers. One was me in a heart and it said, “From Jack.” He handed it to me and said, “It means I love you.” Then a few minutes later he handed me another one with he and I both in a heart and it said, “I love you, From Jack.” Again he told me, “It’s because I love you.” And a few minutes later he hands me another one that says, “Thank you for everything mommy, From Jack.” And said, “I love you so much mommy.”

Truth be told I knew what each was going to say before he gave them to me because I had to spell the words for him.

I feel like I lose my shit 10 times a day, but I guess somewhere I sneak in a lot of “I love you’s” too.

Comments

  1. I love following you on IG, in my darkest days after my baby was born, I was diagnosed with ppd; I also have a six year old who got the blame for many things he didn’t deserve. I always felt & very often still feel as if every other mom in the planet has this stuff together, keeps calm, & its way better at this than me. Reading your post & blog, makes me feel like I’m doing everything right and I’m not all alone. It’s hard being a mom and truth be told we all lose it here and there, some are better at hiding it.

    Thank you for your post, & thank you for getting my through some rough times. It’s good to know that there are hard working, hands on, busy moms who are real people and not pretending to have a perfect life.

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